


The Nightmares Are Real

by heartsdesire456



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 05:17:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 40,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All the folklore, all the stories, all the legends… none of them came close to the reality. After an attack on the night of his 29th birthday robbed him of his life and, even more tragically, the most important thing in the world to him, Adam Lambert decided that the only way to get justice against those who destroyed him was to exact it himself. However, Adam may not be as alone in the world as he feared.</p><p> </p><p>*NOTE! no character death warning because characters are already dead at the beginning of fic. Or undead... whatever, not living humans!*</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Nightmares Are Real

**Author's Note:**

> Fic imported from 2011 on LJ. Original AN to follow:
> 
> After a long time writing this fic on and off, I am delighted to share this with you all. This fic came to me in a split second 'hey...' and I began it right there. Though the warnings are for character death and undeath, and though you WILL cry (probably multiple times) if you have a single ounce of empathy in you (or, you know, a heart at all), I promise the ending isn't sad and that this story will warm your heart in some spots.

Adam stood in the corner, staring at the front of the room as mourners passed one by one to look into the casket. He felt cold. He’d felt nothing but cold recently, but the cold he felt was different to the cold he was growing accustomed to. Adam knew that everything he had ever heard was a lie. All the folklore, all the stories, all the legends… none of them came close to the reality.

_”Adam!” Tommy cried, laughing as he tugged away, running ahead. “Come on, stop!” he cried, only to squeal somewhat as Adam chased after him, catching him before spinning them around._

_Tommy laughed and wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck, smiling brightly when Adam stopped spinning and set him down on his feet. “Come on, we’re going to be late,” he said, snapping at Adam’s nose playfully._

_Adam smiled, leaning their heads together. “Hey, I’m the one the party’s for, baby, I’m allowed to be late.”_

_Tommy smiled and pulled Adam into a small kiss. “Just think, you’ll be thirty in just one year,” he said, and Adam whined._

_“Don’t remind me,” he said, smiling as he leaned down for another kiss. “Promise you’ll still love me when I’m thirty?”_

_Tommy smiled coquettishly and nodded, pressing their foreheads together again. “I’ll love you for the rest of time, Babyboy.”_

_Adam sighed and nodded. “Promise?”_

_Tommy nodded, smiling. “Promise.”_

Adam closed his eyes, feeling a wave of nausea come over him. He looked up again and felt his eyes widen and his heart drop as he saw the woman who had suffered so much loss at such a young age being led up to the casket, where she promptly burst into sobs for the thousandth time. Adam wanted to go comfort her, he wanted to say something to her, but it wasn’t just her pain he was afraid of making worse.

He felt a hand on his arm and looked over, smiling sadly when he saw Monte and Lisa standing there. “Hey,” Monte said, and Adam took a shaky breath.

“Hey,” he said softly.

Lisa just bit her lip. “Adam,” she started and he just shook his head. She walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist in a hug. Adam felt his throat closing as he hugged her back, suddenly glad he didn’t require the oxygen he was being deprived of anymore.

Monte slapped his arm in an attempt at a friendly nudge. “So, how are you holding up so far?” he asked, then paled. “With your- not with this, of course, but with the changes,” he said softly.

Adam sighed, letting his head fall. “I can’t even walk over there because every time people hug me, I have to stop breathing,” he said, and Lisa cringed, looking apologetic. “If I go over there, I’ll have a billion hugs and just as much temptation.”

Monte nodded. “How is the deal with the butcher?” he asked.

Adam smiled weakly. “I’m coping. It’s the best I can hope for.” He shuddered. “I am not ever going to hurt anybody, Monte. All the stories talk about losing your soul and losing your conscience, but it’s all lies,” he said, then shuddered, adopting a pained look. “Even if I did want to… I know firsthand what-“

Monte nodded. “I know.” He smiled sadly. “Now, how are _you_ coping?” he asked softly.

Adam clenched his jaw. “The world is colder now,” he admitted weakly, chancing a glance up at the far end of the room. “Everything’s darker and it isn’t just my sunglasses… it’s the world. All my senses may be heightened now, but somehow I only feel numb. Neil says everything- the cold, the dark, the numb, the dulled colors- he says it’s all because of what I am now, but-“

Monte shook his head sadly. “It’s not.” He let out a heavy sigh. “The world does seem a lot emptier now, doesn’t it?” he asked weakly.

Adam couldn’t tell someone if they asked him later what exactly it was about Monte’s words that broke the veil around him, but he suddenly felt a rush of everything that was missing hit him like a wall of water crashing over rocks. He felt his shoulders begin to shake as he acknowledged what warmth was missing from his life. He could feel his heart, which hadn’t stopped beating, begin to thud faster as he realized where the light that was missing had gone. He could feel a lump growing in his throat as he pictured all the colors, those shades that could never be matched by anything else, that were now gone. The final break in the dam came when the pain which had been numbed suddenly swept through Adam, seeming to start from his very core and spread outwards to every inch of his body, causing him to burst into tears for the first time since he first woke up and remembered what had happened.

Monte and Lisa both watched helplessly as one of the strongest, most resilient people they had ever met finally broke, hidden away in a dark corner away from the rest of the mourners, most of who had no clue how bad the pain of loss they all felt could ever be magnified.

_Adam and Tommy were nearly to the party, having wasted a good bit of time stopping to kiss and tease each other and play ‘you can’t catch me’ the entire walk there, when they heard movement off to their left. Tommy glanced over and Adam frowned when Tommy looked back forward. “Let’s just keep walking, it’s just some punks looking for trouble,” he muttered._

_Adam had instinctively tightened his arm around Tommy’s waist, blushing when Tommy gave him a teasing smile. “What? You’re very valuable to me and thugs are usually after stealing valuables,” he joked somewhat nervously._

_As they continued on, being followed, they spotted a girl smoking a cigarette just ahead. Tommy frowned. “Hey, you shouldn’t be around here alone this time of night. This is a pretty tough neighborhood!” he called out to her._

_She looked up and grinned. “Yeah, I know,” she said, then stepped from the shadows into the light. Adam gasped, pulling them both to a stop as he saw blood on the girl’s face and arms._

_Tommy gasped. “Holy shit,” he cried, grabbing Adam’s hand tightly. Her eyes were completely back and as she snarled menacingly, Tommy spotted her elongated canines. “She’s a-“_

_Adam shook his head. “Vampires aren’t real!” he said disbelievingly, only to shout as he heard a chain rattling behind him. He turned his head and gasped as he saw four large men behind them, all of them stained with blood. “This is a joke, right, vampires aren’t real-“_

_Tommy turned and quickly he and Adam started looking around for any escape, still holding onto each other tightly. “Oh shit, that’s it, I’m never laughing at another vampire film ever, I swear to God,” he said, and Adam glanced at him with a disbelieving look._

_“_ That _is your main worry now?” he asked, and Tommy cringed._

_“Any other idea’s, Ads?” he asked, and Adam shook his head weakly, terror mounting as the girl came closer from one side and the gang from the other. “I see it this way, TommyJoe… one vampire girl this way and four vampire guys that way,” he said, and Tommy nodded._

_“I think I see your point,” he said, then bit his lip, looking up at him. “Start running and don’t stop for anything. If I fall behind, keep going, your legs are longer so you have the better chance,” he said quickly and quietly._

_Adam shook his head. “Tommy, I’m not running away without you holding my hand,” he said, and Tommy glared._

_“Adam, I’ll be fine, but don’t stop and don’t look back,” he said quickly._

_Adam just nodded. “Count of three?” he asked, and Tommy nodded, counting down._

_“-two, THREE!” They both tore out running towards the girl, managing to startle her enough to get past. Adam, despite being larger, did have the longer legs so he quickly managed to pull ahead. He had every confidence (or maybe it was blind hope?) that Tommy was just behind him. However, when he was nearly at the main road, he heard Tommy cry out and couldn’t keep going._

_Adam turned and looked back, only to scream when he saw the girl had Tommy pinned down to the sidewalk, holding his arms while she sat on top of him and one of the men was hovering over him. “TOMMY!” he screamed, only to hear a cry of agony from him. “No!” he cried, ignoring Tommy’s instructions as he turned and ran back. “Get off of him!” he cried desperately, rushing towards them, only to miss the other three men._

_“Look, we’ve got them both now!” one guy cheered, holding Adam firmly, despite his desperate struggling._

_“Adam- AH! I said run!” Tommy managed to get out, still fighting off the man who was biting him. “Oh God,” he cried, then screamed in pain._

_Adam felt everything in him fighting to help Tommy. “Please, stop! Let him go!” he cried, struggling so hard that the one guy called for another vampire to help him. “Tommy, I can’t-“_

_The girl smirked, shoving off the one drinking from Tommy. “Wait, he’s your lover!” she cried with a sadistic smirk. She stood and Adam panicked when he saw how pale Tommy was and noticed that, as he fought to crawl away, he was barely able to lift himself to his elbows and roll onto his front. She smirked and snatched Tommy up by his hair, holding him against her as he sagged._

_“No, don’t hurt him,” he gasped out, looking at Adam. “Adam, I-“_

_“Tommy!” Adam cried desperately. “Let him go, please!” he begged, only to scream in pain as a burning sensation not unlike a molten rod of iron stabbing into his shoulder overcame him. He felt himself growing weaker, crying out in misery as the vampire bit again, readjusting his position. When he was so weak he could barely stand, the vampire stopped and the woman’s sadistic smirk returned. “Please,” he sobbed and she shook her head._

_“Now you can’t stop me,” she said, sinking her fangs into Tommy’s throat. He cried out weakly, but froze, eyes going wide as Adam stared in horror._

_“Adam,” he whispered and Adam gasped as he saw how much blood was pouring out of Tommy’s throat that she wasn’t able to catch._

_“Tommy,” he sobbed, watching Tommy’s face slacken somewhat. “Tommy, please-“_

_Tommy’s eyes fluttered. “Ada- love…so- so-“ Adam let out a sob as Tommy’s lips fell apart once again and the final light went out of his eyes. The girl continued sucking before finally smirking and simply tossing him to the ground unceremoniously._

_Adam let out a shaky breath as he realized what had just happened in front of him. His cry turned from one of anguish to one of agony as he was once again bitten, this time by more than one person in more than one spot._

_The last thing Adam remembered seeing was the face of the woman who had just taken everything from him right before his eyes._

“Adam,” Monte said softly. “Adam, look… you have to at least speak to her,” he said, stroking his friend’s back as he regained composure. Adam sighed, but nodded, clearing his throat. “Good luck,” Monte said.

Adam took a deep breath and then stopped breathing as he strode forward through the people milling around. He knew eyes were on him, but he didn’t want them to be. As he approached Dia, she looked up and saw him, eyes widening. “Hi,” he said weakly, examining her face. He could sense, looking at her, that if anybody understood how he felt, she was the only one who felt it even worse.

She walked over and sighed, sliding her arms around his middle. Adam closed his eyes, hugging her. “Adam, I was so worried you wouldn’t be here. Nobody seems to have seen you lately,” she said, and Adam cringed.

“I just- I couldn’t… I can’t-“ He struggled for the words, but she just shook her head.

“I know what you mean,” she said, and he slumped. 

“I’m so sorry, I can’t even begin-“ he started to babble, voice tightening.

“Adam,” she cut him off, biting her lip as she managed a pained smile. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Adam frowned. “What?” he asked weakly, and she took a shaky breath, glancing at the casket Adam had yet to look at too closely.

Dia took his hands in hers and tugged him down beside her. He sat and waited and she smiled a genuine smile. “You made him so happy,” she whispered, and Adam felt himself crumple as the tears came again. She pulled him into a hug and, for once, Adam didn’t pull away quickly. Nothing in the world could fill his thoughts other than a wave of love and gratitude for the woman.

“Oh my God, I miss him,” he choked out, face pressed into her shoulder. “I- I can’t even-“ He let out a soft sob. “Somehow-“ he sniffled. “Somehow I feel like you’re the only other person that could possibly feel more pain than I have every second of every day since-“ he swallowed thickly, unable to even finish his thoughts.

She chuckled wetly, pulling away to wipe at his cheek. “Yeah, that’s sort of how I figured it would have to be… I know nothing can compare to losing my baby, but I know how it feels to lose the person I love, too, so I can imagine,” she said, and Adam let out a weak sob. “Oh baby, shhh,” she said, and he shook his head.

“I can’t,” he whispered weakly, and she nodded.

“I know.”

Adam shook his head weakly. “How- how do I- how long will it feel like this?” he asked in a small voice, not caring if he sounded crazy. “Like I never want to open my eyes again?”

She sighed, shaking her head. “A long time, but not forever,” she reassured and Adam leaned over, putting his face in his hands. He had so much he felt like saying, but knew that every word of it would only make things worse. She put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you gonna…” she nodded at the front of the room, and Adam bit his lip, looking for a long time, before slowly shaking his head. She raised an eyebrow and Adam sniffled.

“I can’t-“ He took a moment and started again. “I’ve thought about it since I’ve been here and- and I think I don’t want to-“ he swallowed thickly. “I don’t want to remember him like that,” he whispered, and she nodded, biting her lip. “But-“ he sighed. “I don’t know.”

“Whatever you think, baby,” she said, and Adam looked down.

“I just-“

She grabbed his hand. “What is it baby?” she asked.

Adam looked up. “I don’t want that to be how I remember him… but at the same time- at the same time, I don’t want to regret not- not looking at him one last time,” he breathed weakly. “I- I mean… I didn’t ever think- I never thought the last time I saw him-“

She nodded. “That it would be the last time?” she asked, and he let out a weak sob. “Whatever you think.”

After a few minutes, he nodded. “Will,” he reached out and grabbed her hand. “Will you come with me?” he asked and she nodded, watching him with a curious look.

When he walked to the front, holding his breath, he saw a lot of faces looking at him with nothing buy sympathy in their gazes. As he and Dia neared the front, he paused, then took the first slow step, forcing himself to keep moving. When they got there, he closed his eyes as he faced the casket, then opened them slowly.

The feeling that hit Adam was almost more than he could bare, but a few things helped distract him from the pain that was trying to break him. He sniffled and smiled weakly. Tommy looked asleep. There was no sign of the bites on his neck as he was wearing a scarf, and he simply looked like he was sleeping. The thing that broke through the pain, however, was the last thing Adam expected to be seeing again.

He huffed out a surprised little laugh. “Oh wow,” he said, looking at the passport pouch Lane had teasingly gotten him to wear around his neck after he lost his. It was lying on his chest, around his neck one last time. Adam could see the passport in it and smiled, sniffling. “Well, at least he sure as hell won’t lose it now,” he said, and Dia laughed softly, looking surprised at her own laughter.

“I’ll be damned.” Adam turned quickly, eyes widening as he saw several people who had been on tour with them walking up beside him. Taylor looked up at Adam from beside him and nudged him. “At least he won’t get stranded at immigration,” he said, and Adam let out a wet laugh.

“Yeah, there is that,” he said, smiling sadly at so many of their friends, who were all sharing a small laugh. He chuckled wetly. “I wonder if there’s a customs inspection on the way into heaven?” he joked, and Dia smiled at him, squeezing his hand.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam wasn’t a fan of funerals. Nobody enjoyed going to them, but he hated them in principle. They made it even sadder than it already was. It was so superficial to have such a hardnosed, formal, run-of-the-mill, ‘we lost a dear one early in life’, generic funeral and a plain, impersonal ‘ashes to ashes’ burial for someone who had be so vibrant and had broke all semblances of ‘generic’ in their lifetime. Adam spent the entire funeral thinking Tommy would’ve rather had them throw a party to end all parties and get drunk off their asses in memory of him, not stand around a hole in the ground as a preacher spoke about ‘life is fleeting’ at the burial of an atheist. 

Adam stood near the front beside Dia, defiantly wearing Tommy’s favorite outfit, annoyed older relatives be damned. He hated every second of the lame ass ceremony meant to be the final celebration of the life of the most amazing person Adam had ever met. He hated a lot recently, but even his hate for his new ‘appetite’ was eclipsed by the hatred he had for how far from ‘Tommy’ things were.

When everything was finally said and done, Adam remained by Dia’s side as everybody else around them dispersed. She finally sighed and slumped. “Bye, baby,” she whispered, tossing the flower in her hand into the hole and then walked away silently.

Adam felt a little foolish as he did it, but he stepped forward and pulled a small container from his pocket, smiling sadly as he removed the top and poured glitter all over the pile of dirt that was waiting to be filled in on top of the casket. “For you, Glitterbaby,” he said softly, blowing the last of it out of his palm towards the grave. He sighed and said a small prayer, then turned to walk away. He slowly followed the figures in the distance heading towards their cars, only to frown as he saw a flash of white out of the corner of his eyes. He turned his head, already feeling rage filling him at the thought of a photographer taking pictures of _that_ , only to feel his cold blood run even colder as he saw a figure just along the tree line. It was too far to see, but he could almost swear the familiar figure was someone it literally couldn’t be. 

“Adam?” Adam turned to see Neil standing, waiting for him up the path, then turned back, only to see nothing where the figure had just been. Adam sighed and shook his head, turning to walk to Neil. He was imagining things and he knew it wasn’t a good sign.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Adam smiled, looking over at Tommy, who was looking out the window at the rain that was hitting the window. “What did you want to be when you grew up as a kid?” he asked curiously._

_Tommy turned back to him and smiled, scooting closer so Adam could wrap an arm around him. “I wanted to be a rock star,” he said, and Adam smiled._

_“You are a rock star,” he said, leaning in to kiss him sweetly._

_Tommy scrunched up his nose in a way that made Adam’s heart flutter at how fucking cute it was. “Nah, I’m just a dude in a band. You’re the rock star.”_

_Adam smiled, stroking his fingers along Tommy’s hip. “You’re a rock star to me,” he said, and Tommy gave him a happy smile, tugging him into a sweet kiss._

_“What about you?” he asked curiously, stroking his fingers through Adam’s hair absently._

_Adam smiled shyly. “An actor. I just loved dressing up and being somebody else all the time. I wanted to be an actor until I started singing lessons, then I automatically knew I _had_ to be a singer.”_

_Tommy smiled. “Then you’ve lived your dream,” he said, and Adam smiled, nodding. Tommy curled into his arms. “I’m living my dream too,” he admitted. “You’ve made my dream real.”_

_Adam chuckled. “Did it involve turning yourself gay?” he teased and Tommy made a face._

_“Eh, I promised myself I’d be single forever,” he said, laughing softly. “I guess as a kid I never allowed for falling in love… or the whole ‘sex is good’ thing. I just wanted to be a musician, I didn’t want distractions with anything else.” Tommy tucked his head under Adam’s chin and snuggled close. “What about you? Did you always want to find someone?”_

_Adam hummed, closing his eyes as he thought. “I always wanted to grow up and fall in love and get married. I knew I was gay so, at the time, I didn’t think it would ever be possible, but I wanted to get married and adopt kids and have a family,” he said, then made a face. “I kinda doubt that’s gonna happen really, though. I’m not exactly the kind of person adoption agencies would like very much, and I’m kinda sure I know who I want to spend my life with,” he admitted softly._

_Tommy smiled against Adam’s chest. “If you plan on marrying me, you sure as hell better keep me supplied with tacos and you better not expect me to clean,” he joked and Adam smiled, pressing his lips to the top of Tommy’s head._

_“Aww, and here I was hoping you would be the housewife. You know, take care of the kids, clean the house, feed the dog… all while I’m out slaving away to keep food on the table.” Tommy laughed against his throat and pressed a kiss there._

_After a few moments just lying together in comfortable silence, Tommy took a breath. “You know… I would,” he said, and Adam pulled back, looking down at him curiously. Tommy blushed. “Someday, long, long from now… I kinda would marry you,” he said, and Adam felt his cheeks heat as he smiled widely._

_“I’ll be sure to ask you again in about five years,” he said, and Tommy smiled, nodding as he bit his bottom lip shyly._

_“Good. Just don’t expect me to start driving a minivan,” he teased, and Adam burst out laughing, holding Tommy close until their laughter subsided. Tommy turned and looked out the window again, sighing. “Fucking rain.”_

_Adam curled around him from behind, kissing the back of his head. “We need the rain. It brings life to earth and after the drought we’ve been in, it’s like liquid ‘life’ for real.” Adam looked at the raindrops. “The rain is like God, or Mother Nature, or whoever’s way of washing away all the dirty things and leaving everything clean and fresh and new in the world.”_

_Tommy snorted. “Or it might be ‘god’s pissing on us all,” he said, and Adam rolled his eyes. “What? If there is a god, I’m pretty sure he’s a dick anyways, so he’d totally piss on everybody just for fun.”_

_Adam shook his head. “You need something to believe in. I get you don’t believe in God, but you need something. Nature spirits, or fucking Zeus or something,” he said, and Tommy smiled, staring out at the rain as he laced his fingers with Adam’s on his chest._

_“I believe in love.”_

Adam sat on his bed, crying silently as he stared out the window at the rain falling over the city. Every breath hurt. It had been two weeks and yet fucking _everything_ brought up memories. Every inch of the house held a memory of Tommy. Happy or sad, all the memories made reality hurt more than anything Adam had ever felt. Adam could feel the warmth missing from his arms as he thought about the many lazy, rainy mornings he and Tommy lay in bed for hours rather than actually getting up.

Adam took a shaky breath and stood. He walked downstairs quickly and headed to the back door. He took a breath and walked outside, not even caring that he was being soaked. Nobody was around to see anyhow. He walked out into the middle of the small back yard and stood there. He looked up at the sky, eyes shut as the rain washed over him. 

Adam wasn’t even sure what he expected to happen. Maybe some feeling of rejuvenation from the water, maybe some clarity from the coolness of it hitting his skin. Adam stood for so long he couldn’t feel a dry spot on his body as he let the rain wash over him, hoping it healed a hurt in some way, only to find that the only image that filtered into his brain was even worse than before…

All the angels of Heaven were crying for him. For Tommy. For the evil that had stolen everything from Adam and broken a bond so pure as the love he and Tommy had shared. Adam opened his eyes and felt a new feeling swelling inside of him. It was empowerment. He felt something in him driving him to do something about the tears falling from Heaven.

Adam pictured the vampires who had done this, the ones who had stolen his life and his lover from him all in one night, and realized what he had to do.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam sighed heavily as Brad walked in. “You know, you shouldn’t leave the door unlocked like that,” he said, sitting down across from Adam. He smiled sadly. “How are you?” he asked.

Adam just shook his head. “Look,” he sat up and looked across the couch at Brad. “I need to tell you something, I need you to not freak out, and I need you to believe me,” he said, and Brad frowned.

“That doesn’t sound good,” he said, and Adam smiled a genuine smile.

“Alright, well… this is the main part of it,” he took a breath. “I’m a vampire,” he said, and Brad snorted.

“Nice try-“ his eyes widened as Adam opened his mouth and closed his eyes, making his fangs extend. “Holy shit!” Brad leapt up, eyes wide. “Wha- but- VAMPIRES DON’T EXIST!” he cried shrilly.

Adam sighed, nodding. “I thought so too,” he said, then looked up. “Brad… you need to know the truth… only a few people know, but you should hear it,” he said, and Brad sat down, though he was further away from Adam. Adam understood his reasoning, he wouldn’t want to be near himself either. “The night Tommy-“ He cringed. “The night it happened… we weren’t jumped by a gang,” he said, and Brad’s eyes widened.

“Oh God,” he said, and Adam nodded weakly. “Oh fuck, so- are you- oh baby,” he said, and Adam chuckled.

“We were just walking a few blocks, you know? We weren’t far and we could hear people following us but thought it was just a group of punk ass kids. Then we saw a girl and Tommy shouted that she shouldn’t be alone at night in that neighborhood… she turned into the light and she had blood all over her face and hands and was totally a vampire,” he said bitterly. Brad looked horrified. “Then- then we turned but the guys following us ended up being vampires too… they were all in it together,” he said weakly. “Tommy and I decided to run past the girl and-“ Adam bit his lip, fighting a lump in his throat. “Tommy told me that, since I was gonna be able to outrun him, to keep going, don’t stop for anything… I didn’t want to run without holding his hand so I KNEW he was right there, but he insisted it would be okay…”

“But it wasn’t,” Brad offered, and Adam shook his head, tears filling his eyes once again.

“I was up ahead and heard Tommy scream. I turned around and the girl had him pinned to the ground. I couldn’t help it, I ran back, but some of the guys grabbed me. She-“ Adam looked down and looked back up with tears slipping from his lifeless gray eyes. “She killed him. Right there. In front of me,” he said, and Brad looked like he was near tears as well. “Tommy didn’t get his throat slit by gang members, he was sucked dry by a fucking vampire who just… just… did it in front of me and- and she just _dropped him_ like- like killing someone was nothing!” he said. “And- and then they all turned on me, and they bit me, and- and oh God, the pain was horrible, it was so bad,” he said, cringing. He looked up and tugged his shirt off his shoulder to show Brad the scars, which made him gasp. “But- when I blacked out… I woke up again laying next- next to his body and they were all gone. I don’t remember how, but they must’ve made me drink from one of them because I knew something was wrong with me as soon as I opened my eyes… and then I realized everything.”

Brad shook his head. “Oh my God. Shit, I know this is stupid to ask, but… are you _okay_?” he asked, and Adam shot him a rueful look. “Yeah, I know, sorry,” he said softly. “How… how are you living?” he asked uneasily.

Adam smiled. “I don’t kill people, if that’s what you mean,” he said, then sighed. “We- I didn’t lose my soul or anything. I have a conscience. I have feelings- God, we all know I still have feelings.” He shuddered. “I have a deal with a butcher who gets me animals blood… and he’s done this with other vampires, so he can get me blood from donor banks through a contact, but I’m trying to not do that. First, I don’t want the human blood temptation, and second, those blood supplies are meant to help people, I shouldn’t steal from that.”

Brad frowned. “What about like… the sun and- and shit like that?” he asked in confusion.

Adam chuckled. “Myths. I don’t _like_ the sun very much suddenly, but I don’t burn, I don’t melt, I sure as hell don’t fucking _sparkle_ unless it’s my own doing with extra glitter, but it is way hotter than usual and I kinda don’t like it a lot. It doesn’t hurt but it’s annoying. I wear sunglasses all the time now if it’s not totally dark.”

Brad frowned. “Wait… does this mean you’re _dead_?!” he asked, and Adam shrugged.

“Undead is more what I’d call it, but… yeah. I mean… I guess. My heart is still beating, but I don’t have to breathe and I’m cold. Not totally cold, I’m not like… _dead_ but I’m not living either. I’m kinda stronger, I’ve noticed, but it isn’t like… some unnatural strength… just like… a really tough guy strength. My senses are better, but it’s hard to tell sometimes because I just-“ he sighed weakly, knowing he sighed an awful lot for a dead person. “You know- you know how in all the stories people who suffer loss talk about like… everything’s less colorful, and food doesn’t taste, and blah blah blah?” he asked, and Brad gave him a heartbroken look. “Some of it’s pretty true.”

Brad sighed. “Fuck, this shit sucks so bad,” he said, sliding across the couch to hug Adam.

Adam quickly stopped breathing, hugging Brad for as long as he dared before pulling away. “Look, Brad, I kinda can’t hug people a lot… it really makes me want to eat them.”

Brad drew back, jumping up quickly. “Oh shit, don’t do that,” he said, then glared when Adam laughed at him. “WHAT?”

Adam smiled. “Dude, I’m totally fucking with you,” he said, and Brad glared. “Well, okay, I can smell you and want to totally bite you, but I’m okay at controlling it most of the time,” he said, then sighed. “I haven’t laughed for real in so long,” he said, and Brad glared.

“You are a shit. I hate you.” He walked over and sat back down. “So wait, does this mean you’ll be young and hot forever? Fucking hell, I hate you even more,” he said, grumbling.

Adam shrugged. “Trust me, the plus sides are way far from balancing the negatives. First off, I am only this way cause the worst thing in the entire world that could ever happen, happened,” he pointed out and Brad cringed. “And then I have no clue what’s going to happen with my career or my life in general now. I mean… even if I do somehow get back to where I can sing without feeling my heart breaking over again, how will I tour and still hide the fact I’m drinking blood?” he asked weakly. “Or like… in the future, how will I explain not aging at all?” he asked.

Brad hummed. “Lots and lots of botox?” he offered.

Adam sighed. “What about when I should be dead?”

“Oooh.” Brad mad a face. “That is a problem.”

Adam just shrugged. “Probably won’t matter anyways. I don’t know if I can even do it anymore. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do now, but I know what I need to get done before I even think about anything else,” he said, and Brad looked curious. Adam cringed. “You won’t like this part,” he said and Brad sighed.

“What is it, Adam?”

Adam looked down. “I’ve got to kill her,” he said, and Brad froze. “All of them, really. I mean, I’m no Buffy, I don’t give a shit about killing evil vampires all over the fucking place, but-“ he shuddered. “I have to stop them. She- she didn’t even seem effected,” he said softly. “I know she has a soul, I know I still am myself, so those horrible people were just as evil as humans and I can’t let someone else lose everything like I have.”

Brad just stared at him. “But you’re a pacifist.”

Adam cringed. “I put it to any pacifist in the entire fucking universe to watch the love of their life being murdered in front of them and then have their life stolen on top of it and _not_ want revenge,” he said in a cold voice. “They couldn’t let it go.”

Brad sighed. “Baby, you’re hurting,” he said, taking Adam’s hands. “I just think it’s kind of rash to go on a revenge hunt, you know?” Brad looked at him closely. “Do you think Tommy would’ve wanted you to go all eye for an eye like this?”

Adam flinched and looked up with tears in his eyes. “I’ll never fucking know, will I?!” he hissed bitterly. “They took him. And God knows who else they’ve killed!” He shook his head. “I’m not giving them the chance to keep doing this shit to people.” 

Brad just sighed. “Just be safe, okay?” He stood to leave, pressing a kiss to the top of Adam’s head. “The world already lost one of the sweetest, glittery-est boys in existence. No reason to lose another one.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam tossed and turned all night as he tried to sleep. He hadn’t slept well a single time since he’d been sleeping alone. He felt so alone and when he did fall asleep, he dreamed of Tommy screaming and the moment he saw the light fade from Tommy’s eyes. Every night was torture.

He sighed and gave up after the sun began to rise and he couldn’t sleep yet. Adam walked down the stairs and went to pour himself a glass of water. He glanced out the window and smiled sadly as he saw the sun coming up over the back fence.

_Adam woke up and frowned as he saw Tommy sitting at the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. “Tommy?” he asked groggily._

_Tommy turned and smiled. “Go back to sleep, Ads,” he said, and Adam sat up._

_“Why are you awake?” he asked, sitting up._

_Tommy stood up, yawning. “Just can’t sleep. I have trouble pretty often really, I just rarely wake you up.”_

_Adam sighed, sliding out of bed to follow Tommy. “Are you sure?” he asked, following Tommy as he headed out of the bedroom towards the stairs._

_Tommy nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said. He cocked an eyebrow. “You’re coming down with me?” he asked._

_Adam nodded. “Yeah, may as well start coffee. I’m kinda awake now.”_

_Adam started the coffee while Tommy was in the bathroom, only to raise an eyebrow as he went to rinse a mug and saw Tommy standing outside in the back yard. He tapped on the glass and Tommy looked back, then gestured for Adam to come out. Adam’s curiosity overpowered his want for coffee and he quickly went outside. Tommy smiled. “Come look,” he said, holding out his hand._

_Adam smiled and grabbed his hand, raising an eyebrow. “At what?”_

_Tommy nodded at the back fence. “The sun’s coming up soon. I’ve stood out here a few times,” he said, and Adam smiled, stepping up to wrap his arms around Tommy from behind, smiling when Tommy leaned back into him, warm against his chest. Adam leaned his cheek against Tommy’s temple, simply enjoying the day starting around them. When the sun came up, Adam smiled, watching the first rays of the sun crack over the fence. He could feel Tommy relaxing in his arms and smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of his head._

_“This is so cheesy and romantic, but I really love this moment,” he admitted softly._

_Tommy chuckled, but tipped his head back onto Adam’s shoulder, looking up at him. “Eh, I really love you,” he said, and Adam smiled, meeting his lips in a sweet, chaste kiss. “We’re allowed to be sappy and shit before ten am,” he teased and Adam laughed softly, curling his arms tighter as they continued watching the sun come up._

Adam was pulled from his daydream by the feeling of being watched. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled and he quickly turned around, eyes going to the kitchen doorway immediately, only to frown when no one was there. He looked all around the room and quickly walked out, slightly alarmed. He made a cursory check of the whole house but found nothing out of the ordinary. All of the doors were locked, all the windows were locked, and nothing seemed to be disturbed.

Adam sighed and shook his head. “Maybe I’m going insane,” he muttered, heading to the bedroom to get dressed and start his day. He planned to visit his mother, as per her request, for the first time since the funeral and he didn’t want to just wander around aimlessly when he could at least use the free time to put energy into getting ready.

Adam opened his closet for the first time in ages, only to feel a jerk somewhere behind his navel when his eyes immediately went to Tommy’s side of the closet. He wanted to vomit suddenly. He quickly looked to his side and grabbed the first set of clothes he hadn’t worn in a while and all but ran from the closet, firmly shutting the door behind him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam smiled when he saw his mother sitting at a table outside of the café where they were meeting. It was overcast, so not many people were outside and he knew she had done it on purpose. Adam hugged her as soon as he got to her and sighed. “Hey mom,” he said, and she smiled, kissing his cheek before pulling away to sit. 

“How are you?” she asked and Adam sighed, smiling bravely.

“Alright,” he said, and she smiled supportively. “I still haven’t eaten anybody, so that’s good,” he joked and she chuckled softly.

“Did you tell anybody else?” she asked and Adam nodded.

“I told Brad. Everybody I want to know, knows now. I’m done dropping bombs,” he said with a weak chuckle. “Besides, it’s probably bad enough eight people know that I’m ‘changed’.” Adam’s air quotes were implied so well Leila laughed.

“Aww, well I’m sure it won’t backfire. It’s only people you trust.” Leila smiled sadly. “How are you otherwise?” she asked and Adam knew what she meant.

He shrugged. “Not much better, really, but… I kinda don’t think that’s really expected of me.”

Leila nodded sadly. “No, pretty much you’re allowed to not get better for however long it takes.”

Adam picked at his sleeve. “I think I’m going crazy,” he said, and she raised an eyebrow. “It’s probably paranoia from being in a traumatic situation not terribly long ago, but I keep feeling like someone’s in the house watching me. Or walking down the street watching me. I just feel watched all the time. Nothing’s ever there, but it’s really annoying,” he said with a grumpy tone.

Leila smiled sadly. “Aww, it’s probably just post traumatic stress, baby. You’re allowed to not be yourself for a while,” she said.

Adam snorted. “I’m a fucking undead monster now, I’m pretty sure that’s number one for the ‘not yourself’ category,” he said bitterly and she nudged his foot under the table.

“Then you definitely win the award for best dressed in your category,” she joked, and Adam actually burst out laughing, feeling so happy to honestly. “It’s good to see you actually look happy for the first time in ages, Adam,” she said.

Adam sighed. “It goes and comes,” he said, shrugging. “Sutan says I’m not handling it well, but… what the fuck does he expect, you know?” he asked.

She smiled sadly. “People handle things in their own ways. If you need anything, just let me know,” she said.

Adam bit his lip. “Neil’s coming to help me pack some of Tommy’s things up and I’d sort of like you to be there,” he cringed. “I kind of think I’m gonna need my mom,” he admitted softly.

She shook her head sadly. “You haven’t even packed up his things yet?” she asked and he huffed.

“It’s only been a _month_ , Mom!” he said indignantly.

“Adam, it’s been more than a month, more like a month and a half. Baby, I know you are allowed to handle things differently sometimes, but… you kind of need to at least _start_ trying to get past this. His stuff being strewn around has to make it harder and harder to hurt less and you know it,” she said pointedly.

Adam shrugged. “I just… can’t do it alone. Neil offered and I figure it’s time,” he said softly. Leila just grabbed his hands, squeezing them supportively.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Neil and Leila were fishing random things they knew weren’t Adam’s from around the house, such as random horror film action figures and the posters in the hallway that they knew Adam hadn’t put up when he and Tommy first moved in, while Adam sorted through the DVD collection, taking out the ones that were Tommy’s (and occasionally some Tommy had stolen from his friends).

“What about the closet?” Neil asked as he walked down with a box. Leila came out of the kitchen with some more boxes and cringed, looking at them.

“We’ll need more boxes, won’t we?” she asked, and Adam sighed, standing up.

“I’ll do the closet. Some of our stuff’s probably mixed and I don’t want you guys to accidentally box up my stuff,” he said, taking a box. “I sorted out the DVDs, the big pile are his and the smaller pile are ones he ‘borrowed’ from friends,” he said, smiling a small smile at the memory of Tommy’s motto of ‘I do plan on returning them, I just never said _when_ ’.

Leila smiled and shook her head. “That kid was something else,” she said, and Adam just nodded, sighing heavily.

“He sure was,” he said, then turned to go up to his room. “If you need me, I’ll probably be fighting with the closet,” he joked weakly.

As Adam opened the closet door, he was suddenly hit with a strange sensation of being watched again, but as he looked around, he saw no one. He shook it off, however, as he faced the closet again, feeling his breath catch as he looked at the rack full of Tommy’s clothes. He took a breath and put down the box as he started taking clothes down, one piece at a time.

After a good few minutes, Adam looked up and frowned as he found Tommy’s jewelry box. He thought Tommy had left it in the bathroom cabinet. He took it down and opened it up, smiling sadly as he saw the earrings Adam had bought him for Christmas at the top of the pile of tangled earrings. He felt tears filling his eyes as he looked through the necklaces in the drawer below, remembering each and every one in association with times Tommy wore them. He opened the bottom drawer and felt another frown growing. The only thing in it was a small jewelry pouch. 

He grabbed it and sat the jewelry box up on the shelf again as he opened the drawstrings, feeling a hardness inside it. Adam tipped it over in his palm, dumping two silver rings out in his hand. His frown deepened in confusion as he picked the larger one up, looking around it for some kind of design. Tommy had worn rings occasionally, but he didn’t recognize these. They didn’t have any designs on the outside and they were both the same, only different sizes. Adam noticed something on the inside band of the one between his fingers and squinted to read the small text in the dim light of the closet.

_Together_

Adam felt his heart suddenly stop as he felt realization filling him. He looked at the smaller one quickly, only to find even more trouble reading the script, as it was smaller on the smaller band. He turned and headed back out into the bedroom, tripping over the box in the doorway in his haste. He fell to the ground with a thud, dropping both of the rings. The larger one fell beside him, but the smaller one rolled a few feet away, next to the bed. He grabbed the larger one and scrambled for the smaller on, sitting on his knees as his chest heaved with a sickening feeling. He managed to hold it with shakey hands just steady enough to read the word inside of it. 

_Forever_

Adam’s world stopped. He felt his heart breaking all over again. He didn’t even realize he was full on sobbing again until he was interrupted by footsteps rushing into the room.

“Adam?! I heard a thud, are you okay?” Leila asked, walking into the room quickly, only to gasp and rush over when she saw Adam on his knees, shaking and crying. “Oh baby, are you okay?” she asked softly, sitting on the bed beside him.

Adam looked up and knew from the look on her face that his emotions must’ve translated well in his face. He vaguely saw Neil walking in but he was too busy looking back at his hands. He put both rings in his left hand and held it out to his mother, who frowned but let him drop them in her palm. “Mommy,” he squeaked softly and she looked at her hand, frowning. Adam watched as she turned them over in confusion, only to see the moment of realization as she read the inscriptions and her hands began to shake as well.

“Oh God,” she whispered, looking up. “Did you-“

Adam let out a weak sob. “I found them. They were- there was a little velvet pouch in his jewelry box, and- and I thought he left the box in the bathroom cabinet, I guess- I guess he put it in the closet to- to keep me from trying to steal some earrings and- and-“ He let out a ragged sob, putting his face in his hands as his shoulders shook. 

Neil walked over. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, squatting down beside his brother, rubbing his shoulders.

Leila looked up with tears in her eyes. “I think- I think Tommy was planning to ask Adam to marry him,” she whispered, and Neil’s eyes widened. He held his hand out and she showed him the rings. He read them and closed his eyes, shaking his head.

“Fuck.”

Adam sat back, shoulders slumped as he wiped at his cheeks. “Fuck, a lot of things make sense now,” he said softly. He sniffled and looked up. “He asked me once if- if I saw us making it. Like… for good,” he whispered. “And of course I did, I mean… you know, mom, you know what Tommy was for me. He- he was everything. Fuck, I knew before we even got together that I wanted to spend every fucking second I could with him for the rest of ever,” he shuddered. “And- and I told him I would be there as long as he wanted me. When he asked me, I told him I’d never leave if he didn’t want me too and he told me the same thing all the time… and once he asked me just… casually in the middle of a conversation,” Adam chuckled wetly. “He asked me what- what I thought about marriage, and I said that one day, in the future, I kinda wanted to get married. And he kept asking me when I meant by ‘one day’ and I just pulled a random number out of nowhere and said ‘after I’m thirty’,” he said softly. 

He shook his head, sniffling as he tried to stop his tears. “One- one of the last things he said to me before- before things got scary that night-“ he groaned, shaking his head. “He said ‘Just think, in one year you’ll be thirty’ and I said not to remind me and then jokingly said ‘promise you’ll still love me when I’m thirty’-“ Adam smiled sadly, tears filling his eyes as he stared off at the floor. “And he said- he said ‘I’ll love you for the rest of time, Babyboy,’ and- and-“ Adam broke off into a small squeak as he put his hand over his mouth, shaking his head.

Neil shook his head, pulling Adam into a hug, rubbing his back as he cried into his shirt. Leila reached out and stroked Adam’s hair, sniffling as she cried silently. After a while, Adam sighed and sat back, pulling away from them. He had red eyes and lips swollen from crying, but he managed a small smile. “I’ll be okay,” he said softly and the both smiled at him softly. “Seriously, we need to finish this up,” he said, standing up slowly.

Neil stood up and grabbed Adam’s hand, pressing the rings into his palm. “I figure you want these,” he said, and Adam nodded, looking down at them. Leila stood on her toes to kiss his cheek and Neil slapped his back, both of them knowing the best thing to do would be give Adam some space.

Adam sighed heavily, but smiled as he slid the larger one onto his left ring finger and then smiled wider as he slid the smaller one on his right pinky. He looked at the one on his right hand and smiled with a sniffle. “Love you,” he whispered weakly, shaking his head as he went back to the closet. However, as he tried to start boxing up clothes again, he ended up just taking down Tommy’s striped hoodie- the one he’d been wearing the first time Adam ever saw him- to hold as he sat down against the wall and cried. He wrapped his hands in the hoodie, holding it to his chest as he cried, breathing in the lingering ‘Tommy’ scent it held.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam managed to eventually box up all the clothes and shoes and accessories, though he kept Tommy’s jewelry and some accessories because, to be honest, he wanted them for himself. He found comfort in the idea of wearing Tommy’s necklaces and earrings and things. And a lot of them, he just really liked.

He carried a box of things Tommy had stolen from Monte downstairs and smiled as Leila and Neil looked at him with concern. “I’m done,” he said with a sigh.

“So,” Neil started. “What are we doing with everything? Giving it away? Tossing it?” he asked. “What about the guitars and basses?”

Adam cringed. “Neither. Well, some stuff I plan on giving away, and a lot of this stuff wasn’t his anyways, so I’m giving it back to his friends he stole it all from, but most of it’s just going in the storage closet in the laundry room,” he said, and then sighed when he saw Neil and his mother share a worried look. “Guys-“

“Adam,” Leila started, giving him her most gentle expression. “Baby, I know it’s hard, but… you can’t keep holding on like this. I know- especially after this afternoon- you really aren’t ready to let go, and I understand, but you’ll never start to heal if you keep all of his things in storage,” she reasoned.

Adam sighed. “Look… I just… cant,” he said simply. “I know the ideal thing would be to try and heal, try and move on… but the fact of it is, I’m _not_.” He walked around, looking at the boxes and piles of things that belonged to Tommy. “It’s not like one day I’m going to look back and be all ‘oh yeah, Tommy, it’s a shame what happened to him, I was really happy with that one’ or something. It’s not-“ he sighed, shoulders drooping. “It’s not going to ever go away. I need to put his stuff away so I can at least stop bursting into tears when I want to watch a DVD, but the fact of the matter is, I’m fucking _undead_ now. I’m never going to really change. I obviously won’t be moving on to someone else, what with the whole ‘tempted to eat people’ thing, so I really don’t _want_ to try and ‘move on’ or whatever,” he said. “I want to heal, I want to stop hurting so bad, and it will eventually hurt less, I know, but I _want_ to remember every fucking second with him. I mean… all his stuff… its _his_.” He looked between them. “Would you want me to try and erase all evidence you existed if you died, Neil? You’re my brother, I’ll never have a new brother.”

“Adam, it’s not-“ Leila started and Adam shook his head.

“It is the same, mom. Tommy was, still is, and most likely always will be my _everything_. I’m not going to just… try and make it seem like he was never here.” He looked at the guitars and smiled, walking over to slid his fingers along the strings of Tommy’s favorite bass. “Hell, I’m having this hung on the wall,” he said, looking back at them with a smile. “Right there,” he said, pointing to the empty wall opposite the entrance into the living room.

Neil just sighed but shook his head, offering Adam a smile. “Whatever you need, dude,” he said, and Adam smiled.

“Thanks,” he said, looking down at his hands, smiling sadly as he looked at the two silver rings on his hands. He knew those were never leaving his hands, no matter what.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam sighed as he sat backstage in makeup. Lane had been insisting for ages he do an interview or something. He hadn’t made any appearances anywhere since Tommy’s death and, according to Lane, if he was going to try and keep up his career despite his ‘changes’, it was sort of required he not be forgotten by the internet.

Adam hated the show they picked for him. Well, the show itself wasn’t bad, but it was a comedic interviewer and he didn’t want to risk a joke making his temper flare. He had a few things he knew would be asked eventually that he just _wasn’t_ ready for, and most of them related to Tommy. Also, though he was in regular clothes and minimal makeup, he knew the host’s outfit was over the top to make fun of him and it really pissed him off because the outfit they were picking on was one that Tommy had helped him perfect.

After the normal, to be expected questions about the progress on the new album (obviously slowed due to easily understandable reasons) and the possibility of a new tour (for real, fuck, put off for _EASILY_ understandable reasons), Adam was surprised that the woman tapped her own hand. “So, I have to ask, because I just noticed this, but what’s with the rings?” she asked innocently. “They kind of don’t match the outfit, you know?” she said, making a face at him in what he knew was supposed to just be a snarky jab at his fashion faux pas.

Adam froze and felt himself answering before he could put up a filter. Later he would regret his spontaneous honesty, but as she asked he felt himself blabbing away. “Actually,” Adam looked at his hands, fiddling with his rings. “My late boyfriend, I discovered, was apparently going to ask me to marry him and these are the rings. Mine and his,” he explained, holding up his hands one at a time as he explained, only to immediately go pale and freeze as a stunned silence filled the studio. “That is to say-“ he sighed. “I’m done,” he muttered softly and the woman nodded, letting the cameras go to commercial before Adam leapt to his feet and rushed out, feeling nausea filling him quickly as he rushed away.

He made it backstage and rushed past everybody only to run out a backdoor onto a loading dock. He leaned against the rail, breathing deeply. Lane came out and he felt himself fighting the tears wanting to come. “Oh my God, I hate my mind to mouth filter. I didn’t even- I was so shocked I couldn’t-“

“Shhh, it’s okay,” she said, sliding her arms around him. Lane wasn’t generous with hugs usually, but Adam could tell it was her way to say she wasn’t angry with him, just sorry for him. “Adam…” she sighed, pulling away. “It’s a live show,” she said softly.

Adam clenched his eyes shut again, fighting tears. “Oh God.” He sniffled. “Fuck… it wasn’t even public knowledge Tommy and I were together for real. I mean, we always denied it,” he said weakly.

She sighed, shaking her head. “If it were any other mistake, I’d shout at you, but this is something completely different.”

Adam just shook his head. “Do I have to go finish the interview?” he asked, and Lane shook her head. “Good.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam ignored Neil following him as he walked home, refusing to take a car. He felt dazed. He couldn’t believe what he had said or where he said it. There was a part of him that wanted to say ‘it doesn’t matter’ but the part of him that hurt the most was the part that knew he would be asked about it now. He didn’t want to answer questions but he knew he wouldn’t be able to say no all the time without getting even more shit for it.

Adam felt an odd shiver and stopped, looking around curiously. He sensed something was off. While he stood still, Neil caught up with him. “Adam?” he asked in concern.

“Something’s up,” Adam said, looking around. He tried to be subtle as he breathed deeper, hoping to put his heightened senses to use. He didn’t smell anything, so he figured it wasn’t another vampire. He looked around, ignoring Neil’s pestering, trying to listen harder because he _knew_ something caught his attention.

_Adam_

Adam heard his name almost like a whisper, looking around. He knew that, reasonably, chances of someone else walking on the same street with the same name being called by their walking companion was pretty likely, but it felt off to think it was coincidence. “I swear it feels like someone’s watching me and whispering my name,” he said, looking around.

Neil shot him a flat look. “Chances are there _is_ , dude. I’m sure someone on this street has recognized Adam fucking Lambert walking down the street and IS whispering ‘holy shit, there’s Adam Lambert!’ to their buddy,” he said, looking around.

Adam hummed. “Maybe that’s it,” he said, then sighed. “These senses are weird dude. It’s like… I’m not used to this yet, you kno-“ Adam froze, eyes wide as he spotted a quick glimpse of someone he knew couldn’t be there standing in the mouth of the alley across the street before the figure turned, almost too fluidly, and disappeared after two steps down the alley. “The fuck?” he breathed, turning to run across the street.

He could hear Neil shouting his name and heard someone honk their horn as they slammed on the brakes to miss him, but Adam needed to know what the hell was going on. It was the second time he saw someone that looked like Tommy only for them to disappear, seemingly, right before his eyes. He knew chances were he was going crazy, but he couldn’t fight the curiosity. He ran down the alley, seeing nobody. He slowed to a walk, looking around. He didn’t see anybody, but he did spot something he didn’t expect. 

At the end of the alley was what appeared to be a small, grungy shop. He saw signs in the barred up windows he didn’t even recognize. He opened the door and headed in, noticing the tinkling bell over the door. His eyes widened slightly as he stopped, seeing nothing but various weapons around him.

A guy came from the back and looked up. “Can I help you?” he asked, and Adam turned to look at him blankly. The guy’s eyes widened. “Oh shit,” he said, and Adam raised an eyebrow as the dude stepped back towards the doorway and reached around to grab something, then came back holding a handgun. 

“Whoa!” Adam said, holding up his hands. “What the fuck?!”

The guy eyed him suspiciously. “You’re a vampire, right? I’m not like… getting bad at recognition, am I?”

Adam blinked. “You can tell vampires?” he asked curiously, hands still up.

The dude hummed. “You’re new,” he said, then put his gun down on the counter, still close at hand. “I’m Hank,” he said simply. “Last name’s not important,” he said, and Adam raised an eyebrow.

“Right, I’m Adam,” he said and the guy hummed.

“You look familiar…sure I haven’t tried to kill you before?” Hank asked.

Adam made a face. “Nah, nobody’s tried that,” he said, then paused. “Well, since I got turned,” he said and Hank smiled.

“Kinda bitter, huh?” he asked. “I like a vampire who doesn’t seem _excited_ to be a monster,” he said, and Adam smiled ruefully. “So, what the hell are you doing here?” Hank asked.

Adam shrugged. “I don’t know really. I just… something drew me down the alley and this was what I found down here.” He looked around. “Is this like… a gun shop?” he asked.

Hank nodded. “Yeah, and other things,” he said. “Why, interested?” he asked.

Adam thought about his eventual task. “If you know I’m a vampire, do you know how to kill a vampire?” he asked, then frowned. “Or… unkill? Overkill? Whatever the fuck you do to end an undead life,” he said, waving a hand.

The man eyed him. “I’m legally obligated to not sell weapons to possibly suicidal people… but chances are you’ll end up eating somebody if you don’t off yourself, so I’m okay with this,” he said, and Adam smiled.

“No, not myself. I’m still not so sure about whether or not killing yourself sends you to hell,” he said. “I know vampires don’t necessarily go to hell, cause I still have my soul, so… I’m just not sure I wanna find out in case I do go to hell,” he said.

The man eyed him. “You’re a vampire worried about going to hell?” he asked. 

Adam chuckled, walking closer, only to stop again when the man’s hand went towards his gun. “Okay, listen dude, I’ve never hurt anybody in my life, okay?” he paused. “Okay, that’s a lie, I’ve hurt my brother tons of times, but he’s a little bitch.” He shook his head. “Since I’ve been a vampire, I’ve never hurt anybody. I won’t start now,” he said.

Hank eyed him. “So… you’ve got a vendetta against another vampire, don’t you?” he asked, and Adam nodded with a bitter chuckle.

“You could say that,” he said, then sighed. “Look… basically, I’m out to kill the vampires who made me this way. I was at the happiest point of my life and a group of vampires took the one thing that meant the most to me and then went and turned me into a fucking monster,” he said sadly, looking straight into Hank’s eyes. “I’m going to find them and _end_ them.”

Hank stared at him for a moment. “Ah, revenge.” He shrugged. “Usually I’m not friendly to vampires, but if you’re after a group of them, I could help you out,” he said. “So, come into the back room, it’s where I keep the stuff for slayers,” he said.

Adam snorted. “What, you saying there are ‘vampire slayers’ around?” he asked, wiggling his fingers as he followed him into the back.

Hank chuckled. “Well, there’s none like Buffy or Van Helsing or whatever, but there’s a few people out there that feel like a nice bout of vigilantism without taking down human bad guys,” he said, shrugging. “I’m kinda known in the underground, you could say. I stock some stuff that isn’t exactly on the level with the great state of California.”

“So,” Adam asked again as he walked into the back and watched Hank open a cabinet. “How does one kill a vampire?” he asked.

Hank shrugged. “Well, you could probably hold them down and like… snatch their heads off,” he said, and Adam cringed.

“Yeah, no,” he said, shuddering. “Other than wanting to kill these vampires, I’m sorta a pacifist… I want this to be as quick and clean as possible.”

The man hummed. “Interesting, a pacifist. Must be pretty big level of revenge,” he said and Adam cringed.

“You could say that.” 

“Well,” Hand started. “You’ve got your silver bullets, giant swords to chop their heads off, the classic wooden stake if you’re strong enough to force a blunt object into their heart, and silver knives to stab them in the heart.” Hank showed him the rack.

Adam cringed. “Man, I hate that it’s come to this,” he said, then sighed. “Well, I don’t want to go to prison for shooting people, so no gun,” he said, and Hank nodded.

“They’re pretty loud and if you miss the heart, there’s still a body… not a dead body, but if someone hears the shot and sees someone limping away, there you go- attempted murder,” he said. 

Adam hummed. “I totally cant conceal a fucking sword,” he said, and Hank shrugged.

“A katana is usually a favorite of my customers,” he said. “Basically, blunt wooden object, sharp silver object… there are advantages and disadvantages to each,” he said.

Adam sighed. “The knives will set off metal detectors, but they are easier to explain than the wooden stakes if someone finds one,” he said. He hummed. “Well… I guess I won’t need a knife on me at all times, so it’s not like if anybody finds them at my house I can’t say I have a new hobby,” he said. “Or, going by the public version of events, tell them I’m afraid for my safety after ‘being attacked by a gang’,” he said, using air quotes.

Hank suddenly eyed him. “Hey, I know who you are now! You’re that guy, right? The one… shit, I don’t remember the name, but you’re in a band or something like that, aren’t you?” he asked.

Adam smiled. “Something like that,” he said with a shrug. “Alright, Hank,” he said, digging out his wallet. “Ring me up some silver knives.”

They heard the bell and Adam turned when he heard Neil’s voice. “Hello? Hey, um, did a big dude come in here? Black hair, makeup? Hello?” he asked.

Adam cringed when Hank raised an eyebrow. “I may or may not have ran down this alley while walking down the street with my brother,” he admitted.

Hank hummed. “He know the whole story?” he asked, and Adam nodded. “In the back,” he called, and Adam turned to see Neil coming in through the door.

“Adam? The fuck are you doing?” he asked, looking around pointedly.

Hank chuckled. “Planning his revenge, what else would he be doing?” he asked and Adam cringed, looking back at Neil, who glared.

“We talked about this, Adam. I thought you were going to _not_ ,” he said.

Adam sighed. “I have to. It’s like… something’s telling me I _need_ it.”

Neil sighed. “Adam, that’s kinda the broken heart,” he said and Adam glared. “Listen, this is revenge… you’re pacifist, you’re all about forgiveness and-“

“They’re evil and they _murder_ people, Neil! And it’s not like ‘oh, vampires just do that’ cause I sure as hell don’t! They are just _evil_! Somebody has to stop them and I’m the only one who knows what they look like that isn’t _dead_!”

“Well, technically-“

“Shut up, Hank!” Adam cried, flapping his hand. 

Neil sighed. “Alright, what are you doing?” he asked, then eyed the knives Hank was taking down from the rack. “Dude, _knives_?!” he asked.

Hank snorted. “Hey, the alternative was this or this,” he said, holding up a giant handgun and pointing at a big sword.

Neil made a face. “The knives are good,” he said, then sighed. “Adam, I just think this is sorta ‘overboard’, by way of heartbreak revenge goes,” he said.

Adam snorted. “Normal heartbreak revenge is against who broke your heart, not the people who _killed your boyfriend_ ,” he pointed out.

Hank cringed. “Ew, that’s a doozey. Haven’t heard that one before,” he said, handing Adam his box. “I take cash and all major credit cards,” he said, and Adam smiled, pulling out his wallet after handing the box to Neil.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam eyed Lane with abject horror. “No! What?! Please, dude, please tell me you didn’t,” he said, and she sighed.

“It’s the best I could do!” She sighed. “It had to come out somehow and the rumors are insane, and-“

“It’s OPRAH!” he cried. “Where people tell _everything_ and spill their hearts and she makes you feel like you _have to cry_!” he argued. “Please, don’t make me do this-“

“It’s the most sensitive version of ‘Adam has to tell the whole story’ … it could’ve been a full length documentary on E! or something,” she said, and Adam sighed.

“Oh my God, I’m going to have to kill myself. That’s the only other option, death,” he said, then looked at Neil. “You know my box upstairs? The one we bought from Hank? Go get it?” he asked.

Neil snorted. “You are not slaying yourself over this,” he said, then made a face. “That sounded better in my head.” He waved a hand. “Look… at least Oprah’s nice?” he offered and Adam sighed, sitting down in a heap. “Adam-“

“Neil... _nobody_ has told publically what happened to Tommy. Not even the fake version! How can I be expected to fucking,” he cringed, seeing it all in his head again. “Relive the worst thing that ever happened to me on camera?” he asked, shuddering as he saw Tommy’s lifeless eyes again. He felt tears growing in his eyes as he thought about that night, unable to stop the replay going on in his head. Neil sighed and patted him on the back as he buried his face in his hands.

“I know, dude, but… nothing can be done, you know?” he said. “Look,” he sighed and grabbed Adam’s hand. “I _know_ , Adam. But if you want to keep up you career for a while longer, you _have_ to keep up appearances and, dude, you really need to get back in the studio,” he said.

Lane nodded. “You can even work with a songwriter and write some really sad, sad song that makes everybody cry if it’ll help,” she offered, and Adam sniffled, smiling weakly.

“As much as I’d like to, I kinda think Tommy would find a way to slap the shit out of me from the afterlife if I wrote a sad, whiney song about him,” Adam said, and Neil sighed, shoulders sagging. “It’s okay, Lane… I’ll deal with it,” Adam said, shrugging. “It’s all I can do, right?” Adam stood and walked up the stairs, leaving Neil and Lane alone.

“I’m supposed to go home in a few days and I really sorta don’t want Adam alone,” Neil said, and Lane cringed. “I’m totally thinking about seeing if Dad will like… move into Adam’s guest room for a little while. I would ask Mom, but she’s still about as busted up over Tommy as Adam is so it would be like fanning the flames,” he said, shaking his head.

She sighed. “He isn’t moving on. And I understand not just getting over what happened, but there is a good deal of ‘healing’ that should have happened and he can’t heal until he lets it start to be the past,” she said. “I mean… sure, it hasn’t been long but… it isn’t like it was last week, and to him, it seems like every day is two days later, you know?” she said.

Neil cringed. “I think he’s too busy hanging on. I mean…” he waved a hand around them. “He keeps Tommy’s guitars on the walls, he wears half of Tommy’s jewelry still, and even if he packed Tommy’s things up, they’re all still in the storage room,” he said, shaking his head.

Lane sighed. “Well, maybe this will help him?” she said, and Neil shrugged.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam smiled as brightly as one walking to something they didn’t ever want to do could. He smiled again and gave Oprah a hug as she greeted him, then smiled that same fake smile when they sat down.

She gave an introduction to the camera, explained what they were doing for the day, all that stuff Adam was used to, and then turned to him, hands in her lap. “Now, we’ll get right to what we’re here for,” she said, and Adam nodded, taking a deep breath to give her a brave smile. “A few weeks ago, you sort of shocked the whole world by…” she gave him a thoughtful look. “Well, dropping your guard, I guess you could say, during the first interview you’ve given in months. Well, the first public appearance at all in months,” she added. “Can you tell us about that?”

Adam smiled with a dramatic cringe as he nodded. “Yeah, well… even without what I let slip that day, the last few months have been,” he shook his head. “Probably some of the worst in my whole life, if I’m honest, and it’s just… been completely impossible to describe. I really wasn’t… mentally ready to do an interview, and I had never imagined anybody would ask what she asked, so I couldn’t really on the spot do anything other than tell the truth without thinking about what I was saying,” he said.

“And what was that?” she prompted.

Adam smiled, looking at his rings. “She’d asked me the normal things you’d expect, such as how the albums coming, when I’ll be announcing another tour, but then she just, out of nowhere, decided to take a comedic jab at my jewelry not matching my outfit. I think I was wearing black earrings and necklace that day and she saw silver rings as a great spot to make a joke, since it was a more comedic show, you know?” he said. “And I was so shocked I just told her the truth, which is that-“ he cringed. “I think my exact words were something about discovering that my late boyfriend must’ve been planning on asking me to marry him some day in the future and that I found these rings, and that was around the time I realized what I had said and sort of just,” he cringed. “Freaked out and sort of stopped mid interview and ran out.”

She nodded. “And obviously, people made the connection themselves that the very man who you denied being involved with, and told everyone was straight for the past year, was the late boyfriend you mentioned,” she said, and Adam nodded, biting his lip.

“Yeah, it just made sense, I guess. And it’s the truth anyways, so I never bothered denying anything. I didn’t confirm it, but I’ve sort of been in radio silence for the last few months,” he added softly.

Oprah nodded. “And, why had you guys kept it all under wraps? You’re obviously very out and proud, and he obviously never shied away from all of the stage stuff… why was it all a secret?” she asked.

Adam shrugged. “Well, at first, I didn’t want to jinx anything. The last guy I dated, we broke up because everywhere I went with him, we were just… completely mobbed by people. I mean, it was never that bad with my friends, but as soon as I was out on a date it was like I was a magnet or something,” he said. “And after a while, even though Tommy never shied away from anything, he never cared about the scandals we caused,” Adam laughed, shaking his head. “He _loved_ stirring things up,” he said fondly, then shrugged. “But to be honest, it’s nobody else’s business,” he said, then cringed. “And that does sound bad, but it’s true!” he held out a hand to her. “You know as well as I do that some things just should be kept private, and who I’m with is one of them.”

She nodded. “I agree that it isn’t anybody’s business who you’re with,” she said, then looked at the card in her hands. “Now, you said you think the rings meant he was going to propose?” 

“Yeah,” Adam said, smiling wistfully down at his hands. “There’s two of them that match, one is his size, one is my size, and the insides, one says ‘together’ and the other says ‘forever’ and before-“ Adam bit his lip. “Well, not long before my birthday he’d been asking me stuff that at the time seemed like just random questions, but in retrospect, with the rings and all, it all makes sense that he was going to ask me,” he said softly.

“If he was thinking marriage, how long had you guys even been together?” she asked. “I mean, I can’t imagine keeping things under wraps for very long the way you are given so much attention to everything, especially your love life,” she pointed out.

Adam chuckled. “Well, one of the reasons I never thought the things he asked me were leading that way was because of how short a time we were together,” he said, smiling. “Everybody knows that Tommy became a member of my band in the fall of two thousand and nine. I honestly had never met him before then,” he said. He smiled. “We hit it off immediately, within two weeks it was like- like the best friend I had always wanted, sort of,” he said with a fond smile as he thought about it. “And he did say he was straight, so at the start, I wasn’t lying. He didn’t ever do or say anything to make me think differently until about a week before Christmas. He just… started smiling at me differently,” he said with a small smile, looking down at his hands. “One day it was like he was just another straight friend, and then the next day, he had this look in his eyes when we talked and he would smile and then it wasn’t but like… two weeks before we started dating,” he said, and she smiled.

“So you guys had only been together about a year?” she asked, and Adam nodded, chuckling. “That’s a lot less than I’d have thought after what you said about the rings,” she teased and Adam chuckled.

“Well, I guess since I’m sorta putting it all out there today, I can say this, but Tommy was nothing like anybody I’d ever met,” he said, feeling that the nostalgic smile on his face had to be pretty disturbing by now. 

“I don’t think anybody who ever knew Tommy had or will ever meet _anybody_ like him. Tommy was-“ Adam bit his lip, swallowing against the lump in his throat. “Tommy was the funniest, craziest, most ridiculously talented and insanely loyal friend anybody could ever have. You could have met him and in five minutes you couldn’t think of a single person in the whole world that was half as amazing. One thing people always mentioned to me was how every single person we toured with mentioned Tommy if they were asked about the tour. They could have been asked what they did to pass time, and somehow it came to something Tommy did, and half the time when people were asked about ‘tour memories’ it was something Tommy was involved in by either having the idea, doing whatever it was, or being instrumental in its doing.” Adam really, really hoped he wouldn’t break down crying on a show as big as Oprah’s shows were. 

“To Tommy, it wouldn’t matter if we’d been dating three weeks, if he thought we should get married some day, he wouldn’t think twice about proposing,” he said with a small sigh. He smiled a small sad smile. “Although, from the things I put together, I think he was going to ask me later this year so we could get married next year.”

Oprah gave him a sad smile. “And how did you find the rings?” she asked.

Adam clenched his jaw, really fighting his emotions for control. “A little while after his-“ Adam swallowed hard. “After his death, my brother and my mom were helping me box up his things. I’d only bought my house not long before my birthday and he had moved in with me when I bought the house,” he explained. “And they were getting things downstairs, and I was boxing up his clothes, since we shared my giant closet and I didn’t want them getting my stuff that might’ve gotten put on his side or something.” Adam thought back to the day and looked down at the floor distantly. “I found his jewelry box, and I remember thinking he’d left it in the cabinet in the bathroom, so I was looking through it to see what all was there, see if any of it was my stuff he’d ‘borrowed’,” Adam said with a smile and Oprah chuckled. “There was a jewelers pouch in one of the little drawers and I opened it and the rings fell out. I sort of freaked out and ran into my bedroom to see if they were really what I thought they were and-“ he cringed. “Well, it wasn’t pretty, but they were. I decided to keep them and wear them and I never really thought anybody would ask,” he said honestly. “I mean, I guess I should’ve allowed for the possibility, but what were the chances?” he asked.

Oprah looked down at her lap. “I know this is a difficult subject, but…” she paused. “There’s a lot of controversy surrounding Tommy Ratliff’s death,” she said, and Adam nodded gravely. “The only official word that was given was that he died from an injury and a leaked coroner’s report that he died of blood loss.” She looked at him. “Nobody ever made an official statement from your staff. Everybody had speculations, some of them were so wild it was ridiculous.” She paused and gave him a meaningful nod. “Will you let us all know what actually happened?” she asked.

Adam took a shaky breath. He had been warned this was where it would all end up and he knew he had to tell the ‘version’ of events that his family and friends had all been told. Adam nodded quietly. “Tommy-“ Adam’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “Tommy died the night of my birthday,” he said softly. He looked at his hands the whole time. “I was having a party and we were gonna walk, because we didn’t have too far to go from the place we’d been before. I don’t even remember now where we were, that whole night is sort of a blur apart from what happened, but we decided to walk.”

Adam felt the tears filling and couldn’t stop them from building behind his eyelashes. “We were like… two blocks away and we were all happy and joking and just enjoying the night.” He laughed wetly. “Tommy was teasing me about how I’d be thirty in a year,” he added and then bit his lip. “We heard some people behind us and figured it was just some kids up to no good. We walked a little faster but didn’t really think anybody would give us any trouble,” he said. “There was- there was a girl and Tommy shouted to her that she shouldn’t be out alone at night in that area, and-“ Adam closed his eyes, only to realize his mistake when all the tears that had built broke free and slid down his cheeks. “And she just said ‘I know’ and suddenly all these guys were around us, and like… it was a gang, I think, cause they were all dressed alike and stuff, you know,” he said, sniffling. 

“And Tommy said we should run, so we did and I was faster because I’m so tall, and I heard him scream and turned around and saw they had him cornered and I started back but-“ he shuddered. “When I got close, I shouted for them to let him go and a few of them grabbed me and hit me and stuff and like… the girl just-“ he shuddered. “One of the guys had Tommy’s arms and she just… took a knife and,” Adam let out a small sob, holding it in again before he broke down completely. “She put it at his throat and said ‘you’re both gonna die’ and Tommy-“ Adam let out a pained sound. “He said my name and tried to say he loved me and she just,” Adam shook his head, and he heard someone in the audience burst into sobs. Even Oprah looked horrified, and she’d heard some pretty fucked up shit over the years.

Adam took a deep breath and wiped his face. “They made me watch until he was-“ Adam cringed. “Until it was all over. Then they turned on me and beat me until I was unconscious.” He shook his head and gave a hollow look at Oprah. “I woke up on the ground where they left me with him beside me but,” he shook his head. “Nothing could really be done. It was long past any chance. And I was pretty messed up and I couldn’t even shout for anybody walking nearby, but we’d been missing for hours after we didn’t show up at the party and apparently a few of our friends had started looking for us and, as luck would have it, I’d told my brother and my best friend we were gonna walk, so my best friend went one way and my brother went the other and it was my brother that found us. My phone started ringing in my pocket and he told me later that he almost ignored it, but thought it was weird he didn’t see anybody and nobody was answering the phone, so he crossed the street and there we were on the other side of a parked car,” he said weakly.

After a short silence, punctuated only by the sniffles and coughs and blown noses from some of the crying audience members, Oprah took a breath. “So what you’re saying is, you and your boyfriend were victims of a random act of gang violence, something Los Angeles is known to have a lot of issues with, and because of no fault of his own, Tommy Ratliff was murdered just because you guys were in the wrong place at the wrong time?” she asked, and Adam nodded weakly. She shook her head. “Were there people ever caught, or found?” she asked, and Adam shook his head.

“There was no way to find them. They were just… one set of people in a city with so much gang violence there’s just no way to find one group out of them all,” he said sadly.

“Does that bother you a lot? I mean, I can only imagine it would be scary to think they’re still out there,” she said, and Adam clenched his jaw.

“I guess in a way it does bother me a lot, and it’s mostly because they could do it to somebody else,” he explained. “But in a way I don’t… care, really,” he said softly. “I mean… I do, obviously, I want them to be found and stopped, but the fact of it all is that-“ he took a breath. “Nothing can bring him back,” he said simply. “If they are caught, it helps other people, but it still can’t change what happened. They deserve to rot in prison for what they’ve done but none of it will make any difference when it comes down to it, and it won’t erase what I went through. I’ll always live with the memory of watching someone die in front of me, and not just any ‘someone’, but-“ Adam took a breath. “The most amazing someone in the world. So many people loved him. Tommy was impossible to hate. And I thought it would be like the rings, together forever. I am a realist in some things, but I just _knew_ Tommy was it. I knew I’d have him forever and what they did took him from me and from his friends and from his family-“ Adam shook his head. “His dad had died last year, so that family had already suffered enough without losing him too.” Adam took a shaky breath. 

“So yeah, it bothers me they’re still out there, but even if they are caught, nothing can fix what they already did.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
As soon as the episode aired, every person Adam knew who hadn’t already heard the story before was calling to offer their sympathies again. He eventually turned off his phone, locked the door, and crawled into bed. Neil had finally left to go home the week before so he was finally and completely alone.

He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling as he played through happy memories to try and stop thinking about seeing it over and over in his head. There were so many of the happy memories it wasn’t hard to picture them. There were so few times that Adam was with Tommy that weren’t happy. They did occasionally have small arguments, but usually they were stress-related and worked themselves out fairly quickly without big incident. More often than not, Adam thought with a smile, it was him being insane and Tommy refusing to put up with his bullshit.

_“Adam, for the love of God, I’m a grown man,” Tommy argued, glaring at Adam as he wrote down all the appropriate emergency contact numbers to stick on the refrigerator and a small list of ‘what to do in case of…’ things._

_Adam eyed him. “No, you are a TommyJoe,” he said, and Tommy snorted. “Listen, you_ swallowed your earring _last week… how many grown men do that?!” he tried. “I’m going to be gone for three weeks and I’m leaving my boyfriend, who can’t be trusted with his own jewelry without it being a choking hazard, all alone.”_

_Tommy snorted. “I was making sure I didn’t lose it by holding it with my teeth and… lost it anyways,” he said, cringing. “Okay, that was one thing, okay! I don’t burn myself with flat irons all the time,” he said, and Adam snorted._

_“You do too, you just don’t admit it,” he challenged, then sighed. “Look, I just freak out, okay?” he said, and Tommy smiled softly._

_“Adam,” he said, and Adam sighed, slumping. “I’ll miss you too, you know?” he said, reaching out to grab Adam’s hands._

_Adam deflated and slid his arms around Tommy, holding him close. “Jesus, I’m going crazy, I just… I’ve been with you all the time for so long now.”_

_Tommy looked up, stealing a kiss. “I know. I promise, I’ll be fine, okay?” he tried, and Adam nodded, smiling._

Adam sighed heavily, turning on his side to look at the picture of him and Tommy he had sitting on the bedside table. “Fuck, Tommy,” he muttered darkly, shaking his head against the pain of missing him.

“Hey, Adam.”

Adam screamed, flying up out of the bed as he looked around, searching for the voice he’d heard. He looked around spotted nobody. He jumped up and walked around the room, searching everywhere for whoever or whatever said his name. It sounded just like Tommy’s voice. Adam couldn’t find whatever or whoever spoke his name so he started downstairs, wondering who else was in the house. 

He got downstairs and frowned when he saw his dad watching TV. “Why are you here?” he asked, and Eber looked back.

“Oh hey, Adam.” He smiled. “Neil just wanted me to come by and check up on you, but I sorta heard you,” he faltered and sighed. “Well, I didn’t think you would want to be disturbed,” he said gently and Adam nodded, frowning. He walked over and climbed over the back of the couch, curling up against the opposite arm. 

“Dad… has anybody been upstairs in the last few minutes?” Adam asked, biting at his thumbnail.

Eber shook his head. “No, it’s just me in the house, why?” he asked.

Adam sighed, shaking his head. “Nothing. I just… I thought someone said my name is all,” he said softly. “So, Neil, huh?” he asked, and Eber nodded.

“He just figured you’d do better having somebody around for a little while and he really did have to go home,” he said with a friendly smile.

Adam sighed. “It’s been months. I have to eventually be okay on my own, Dad,” he said, and Eber nodded.

“I know, but the fact of the matter is, Adam, you’re not okay yet,” he said. “I know you try but you went through a lot and you’re still adjusting to being a vampire and I really don’t mind hanging out if you need somebody around,” he said with a smile.

Adam shook his head. “Dad… I’m a grown man, I need to get a hold of myself. I can’t be forced to do that if people are always there.”

Eber shrugged. “Adam, you don’t have to be tough. You’re allowed to take however long you need to just… be the weak one.”

Adam nodded, stretching his legs out. “Well… I’ve got to get back in the studio. I’ve still got to learn how to kill vampires too,” he said, and Eber groaned.

“I had hoped when Neil told me your idea, that you would let that one slide,” he admitted. “Adam, revenge isn’t the answer-“

Adam glared. “It is. I have to do this. I have to!” He shook his head, standing up. “Dad, I have to do this,” he said, walking off into the kitchen. Eber just shook his head, letting him walk out.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
After a night of walking around, hoping to find those vampires who had changed him, he was tired when he got home. He fell into bed still dressed and woke up to find he’d forgotten to take his knife out of his jacket and it was poking him in the arm. Adam examined the healed over cut and the dried blood around it and snorted, getting up to go was off the blood and then strip his sheets that had blood on them.

Adam was just putting his sheets in the garbage when his doorbell rang. Eber had gone home, agreeing to keep his check-ins every few days, so Adam didn’t know who it might be as he headed to open the door. He cringed slightly at the blast of sunlight to his eyes and drew back, groaning as he let the door swing open. “Shit, fuck, that’s bright,” he grumbled.

“Adam? You okay sweetie?” Sutan asked, stepping in.

Adam nodded, blinking. “Yeah, I’m fine, I just didn’t expect sunshine in the eyes without sunglasses to hurt like that,” he said. “Hi,” he said, hugging his friend.

“Ooh, that sucks,” Sutan said as he walked in. “So, what’re you doing today?” he asked, following Adam back through the house.

Adam sighed. “Well, not much now. I was out hunting last night, then I stabbed myself accidentally with my knife, so I had to trash my sheets,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Stupid shit.”

Sutan smiled. “Well, I know what will cheer you up!” he said brightly. “Let’s go shopping,” he said, clapping happily.

Adam groaned. “I don’t know,” he started and Sutan rolled his eyes.

“Come on! We can hit the shops, buy tons of hot clothes, and scope the hot guys!” he tried, smiling brightly.

Adam snorted. “Oh yeah, that’s exactly what I want to do. Buy nice clothes I may never get to wear because I’m not sure about where the fuck my career is going and listen to you go on about all the hot dudes,” he said, rolling his eyes as he walked to the refrigerator.

Sutan sighed. “Adam, it’s been six months, okay? You need to get off your ass and get back to work, finish the last stuff on the album, and get touring again. You have to get your life back!” he said.

Adam shot him a look. “I’m a fucking vampire!” he cried pointedly. 

Sutan shrugged. “You’ve been handling it so far. Sure, it’ll be harder to sneak blood on tour, but you’ll deal,” he added and Andy shook his head. “Adam, look, I love you, you’re a great friend, but you’re just using this to fuel your own fear!”

Adam gave him a scathing look. “It’s not fear I’m dealing with, it’s hatred. If I finish the album, they’ll stress touring. If I go on tour, it’s longer until I’m back to continue hunting them down,” he hissed.

Sutan shook his head. “No. You have to let go-“

“I can’t let go!” Adam cut him off angrily. “They stole my _life_!”

Sutan narrowed his eyes. “Oh yeah, your only real problem is drinking blood and you get to never turn thirty. Lucky bitch!” he said, and Adam shook his head.

“No, not my actual life, the life I was going to have, the future I had in store-“

Sutan grabbed his arm. “Adam, you can still have that future! Sure, maybe the whole ‘adopt a kid when I’m forty’ won’t happen, but you can still have your career and a good life, and you’ll never age, so you’ll never run out of pretty,” he said.

Adam just looked at him. “I don’t care about any of it anymore,” he said softly. “I don’t care about the album, I don’t care about my job, I just don’t care-“

Sutan groaned. “It’s been six months. Get up, get dressed, we’re going shopping and then tonight we’ll go out, pick up hot guys, and maybe it’ll kick you back into gear!” he stressed.

Adam just stared at him. “You honestly think that sounds at all fun for me? I want my life back. I want to get the album done and keep on, but I can’t until I stop those vampires. And even then, do you really think picking up hot guys sounds at all interesting to me?” he tried, and Sutan rolled his eyes.

“Dear God, you haven’t had sex in six months, as far as I know, you have to want to go out and pick up a guy, bring him back and have fun!”

Adam stared even harder. “You honestly think I would bring some random club guy back to _our_ house and fuck him in _our_ bed-“

Sutan gave Adam a look that clearly said ‘I’m sorry but you need to hear this’ and placed his hands flat on the counter. “Adam, Tommy is _dead_. Dead, gone, _Never coming back._ You get it?!”

Adam gave him a dirty look. “Oh really? Really? I didn’t notice that. Thank you for clearing up why _I SAW HIM DIE IN FRONT OF ME!_ ” he screamed angrily. “I fucking know that, fucker! But do you honestly think I’m magically _over_ him?!?” he cried. “Like you just said, he didn’t leave me, he was _murdered_! I’ll _never_ get the future and life I had coming because Tommy is gone and I will never get him back!” he cried, tears welling up in his eyes.

Sutan sighed, shaking his head. “Adam, it’s been six months. A month, yeah, I get that. Hell, three months, I was okay with that. But it’s been _half a year_. You have to move on if you ever want to get better-“

Adam glared. “Look, you don’t just ‘get better’ when your ‘One’ is taken from you and you are left a vampire. I’m sorry, Sutan, that I can’t just bounce back and be happy Adam again, but- News Flash!- I never will be!” he snarled.

Sutan glared. “Don’t fucking snap at me for trying to help you! I want you to feel better, Adam! I’m trying to help! And yeah, I get Tommy was special to you, but I’m pretty damn sure nobody is special enough that you need to be alone and celibate for half a fucking year, bitch,” he said, waving a hand at Adam.

Adam huffed. “Look, you’re a slut, _bitch_ ,” he mocked. “I know you don’t understand the next thing about love-“

Sutan gaped. “Wait, did you just seriously call me a slut?!? I’m not a fucking slut, and I do understand about love-“

“BULLSHIT!” Adam cried, laughing sardonically. “You whore around like a bitch in heat and don’t give a shit who you’re fucking as long as they’re easy and cheap. It’s just you, and I’m okay with my friends being sluts, but don’t you dare try and tell me you know a _damn_ thing about what Tommy was or wasn’t to me! There is no fucking ‘mourning period’ for someone you expected forever with, Sutan. You’re happy being a mid-thirties slut fucking a new guy every night, but I was ready for the rest of my _life_ with one person, and that person is gone. He didn’t leave me, he is _gone_! If he’d left me or something I’d feel less cheated, but as it is, he was _taken_ ,” Adam finished angrily.

Sutan glared. “Do not call me fucking easy! And I’m fucking sorry your life went this way but life does that! Do you think I don’t miss him too?!” he cried. “Tommy was more fun than half the people I’ve met in my whole life, but the fact of it is, he’s gone and you’re not and insulting me and insulting my intelligence isn’t going to help-“

“Oh no, baby, I’m not insulting your intelligence, I’m insulting your judgment. You wouldn’t know commitment if it bit you on the ass!” Adam spat. “So you go shopping, you go out and spread your legs for whoever the hell offers, see if I give a _damn_ what you think about whether or not I should be trying to ‘move on’!” he snapped.

“That’s rich, coming from you, Adam,” Sutan started, and Adam shook his head.

“Listen,” Adam said simply. “Get out of here,” he said, and Sutan stared. “I’m serious! I love you, you’re still one of my best friends ever, but everybody knows you’re a bitch and a whore. It’s just your personality. And I’m fine with that until you start trying to insert your personality with _my_ life,” he said, and Sutan just stared, looking shocked, pissed, and, ultimately, hurt.

“Fine,” Sutan said shakily, turning to strut out without a backwards glance.

Adam just turned and stalked back upstairs. He felt the hairs on his neck stand up as soon as he walked into the bedroom, but ignored it as he threw himself down on the bed. He was actually sure his life was at the lowest possible point. He was still hiding away from everybody he knew, he was centering his life on revenge, he was fighting with his closest friends, and he honestly didn’t want to live anymore. He wondered, as he cried into what had been Tommy’s pillow, if maybe he could manage to kill himself. The only thing standing in the way is the fact that he knew Tommy would call him a pussy. Tommy had always thought people who killed themselves were being selfish because of how bad it hurt all the people who loved them.

Adam closed his eyes, sniffling wetly as he, just for a moment, wondered what his life would be like if nothing had ever happened the night of his birthday. He wondered if he and Tommy would be laying in bed at that exact moment, still asleep after a late night partying or playing, whichever, the night before.

“God, TommyJoe,” he sobbed softly, shaking hard.

“Hey Adam.”

“HOLY FUCK!” Adam cried, leaping up clean from the bed to look around in shock.

He looked around frantically, only to feel his blood drain from his face and his body freeze as he locked his eyes on the figure sitting in the chair by the window. Tommy smiled brightly and waved. “About time you noticed me,” he said, and Adam regained his ability to move and screamed again.

“Oh my God, what the fuck?!” Adam cried, rushing to grab the nearest object, a book, and fling it at the chair, only to go wide eyed as it went straight through the figure and bounced from the chair to the floor.

Tommy looked down at his middle and hummed. “Ah, yes, that isn’t very effective,” he said, then stood up. “Why are you throwing shit at me anyways?” he asked and Adam just let out an odd squeaky sound. Tommy snickered and let out breath as he shook his head. “Adam, don’t be scared,” he said, and Adam spluttered.

“The hell I’m not! What the fuck are you?!” he cried in shock. 

Tommy shrugged. “I’m Tommy,” he said, and Adam shook his head.

“Tommy’s dead!” he cried defensively.

Tommy shrugged. “And so are you, why is this shocking you, Adam?” Tommy rolled his eyes. “You’re a vampire now, why are you so shocked to see something out of the ordinary?” he asked, and Adam narrowed his eyes.

“You claim you’re Tommy… how do you know I’m a vampire? He died before I did.” Adam waved a finger at the figure pointedly.

The figure flickered lazily in and out. “I’ve heard you. I know just because. I followed you… different things,” he tried, and Adam shot him suspicious looks. Tommy rolled his eyes. “Your middle name is Mitchell and when I found out, I teasingly called you ‘Bitchell’ for two and a half weeks,” he said, and Adam paled. He had never told anybody about that.

“T-Tommy?” he gasped, and Tommy smiled, flickering again. “I- you-but-“ Adam suddenly went wide eyed. “I’m _not_ just going crazy then!” he cried, and Tommy shook his head.

“If you mean all the times you saw me out places, I was there,” he said, and Adam just stared in shock.

“You’re, but-“

Tommy smiled. “I’m a ghost,” he said simply, and Adam nodded, then promptly turned and walked out of the room before letting out a loud, piercing scream. Tommy cringed. “Well, that went well, I think.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam sat on one side of the island in the kitchen, wielding a spatula just in case it was a trick. Tommy stood across from him, eyeing him curiously. “A spatula, Adam?” he asked and Adam waved it in his face.

“Hey, it’s the closest thing I had!” he argued. “I’m still not convinced you’re real. I could totally be delusional,” he rationalized. “I would’ve grabbed one of my knives but I kinda don’t want the chance you’re a person and I’m delusional to end in my stabbing a delivery dude or something,” he said.

Tommy hummed. “You threw a book through my stomach… what are really the chances I’m a person and you’re imagining?” he asked.

Adam hummed. “How long have you been following me and why did I only see you twice?” he asked.

Tommy shrugged. “I can’t be where you are all the time. Most of the time I’m here, in the storage closet,” he said, and Adam eyed him Tommy rolled his eyes. “I get energy from my stuff. It’s really hard to be visible!” he said, flickering still. “I think I can be solid if I try harder but so far the most I did was knock over one of the boxes in there,” he said. “Otherwise I just walk through stuff.” He reached out towards the bowl of oranges on the counter and acted like he would grab one, only to have his hand go through them all.

Adam shook his head. “I can’t-,” he felt a lump in his throat. “Tommy is _dead_ ,” he said, looking at the thing across from him. “You might be a delusion, but my Tommy is gone. I saw him-“ Adam’s voice broke and he clenched his jaw shut. “I saw him die in front of me. I saw his body in a fucking box. I watched them put him in the ground-“

Tommy smiled sadly as a tear slipped down Adam’s face. “And you poured glitter on my grave,” he said, and Adam gasped, hand going to his mouth.

“I- nobody knows about that! Nobody saw it! Only-“

“Only me,” Tommy said. “I was standing at the trees and I saw it,” he smiled weakly as Adam let out a soft whimper. “And I saw you crying more times that I could count. And I was here when you told Neil you’re a vampire now. I wasn’t there, but I could hear from down here the day you found those,” he said, nodding at Adam’s hands. He cringed. “I hated so bad that I didn’t have the energy to go up there. I couldn’t do anything, but… maybe being near you would’ve made it hurt less or something because I heard you crying and I just… I wanted to die again,” he said in a pained voice.

Adam stared blankly, only to burst into tears, clapping his hands over his mouth as he cried, staring at Tommy. “Oh my God,” he sobbed, putting his whole face in his hands. “ _Tommy_.”

Adam leaned against the counter shaking and crying. Tommy stood on the other side and reached out to stroke Adam’s shoulder, only to adopt a pained expression as his hand just passed through him. He closed his eyes, stepping up as close to Adam as he could be without stepping through him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam laid on the bed, sniffling as he looked across to where Tommy was laying on the bed beside him. “How can you lay on the bed, but you can’t touch things?” he asked.

Tommy shrugged. “Same way I don’t fall through the floor, I guess.”

Adam chuckled. “Now I’m imagining it raining boys,” he said, and Tommy snorted. Adam eyed him. “How is this possible?”

Tommy shrugged. “How’s it possible I was murdered by vampires and now the guy I thought I’d spend forever with _is_ one?” he asked, and Adam sighed heavily.

“Why are you here, Tommy?” he asked.

Tommy smiled sadly. “I couldn’t leave you,” he said, and Adam bit his lip, feeling tears again. “Dude, you cry a lot,” he said, and Adam snorted, wiping at his face.

“I lost _you_.” Adam shook his head. “When I woke up, I wanted to be dead. I didn’t want to be here without you. I didn’t want to _breath_ without you,” he said.

Tommy smiled. “Why do you think I stuck around?” he asked, then chuckled. “You know that whole ‘atheism’ thing?” he said, and Adam raised an eyebrow. “Funny enough, there was something else after death… I kinda just went all ‘no way dude, put me back!’ and found myself wandering around invisible,” he said. “Not sure _what_ there was, it was just a bright ass light and weird voices, but I was all kinds of freaked,” he said.

Adam chuckled. “I remember joking about you needing the passport to get into heaven,” he said softly, and Tommy made a face.

“What kind of heaven is it if you’re not there?” he asked, and Adam felt his bottom lip tremble. “No, dude, don’t do it again, I’m so tired of watching you cry,” Tommy begged and Adam whined, pressing his face into the pillow.

“I can’t help it, I’m pretty sure my brain’s broken. Everything is making me cry. I just-“ he sniffled. “Why the fuck would you pick an eternity as a floaty spirit thingy instead of in heaven?” he asked. “I’m not that great,” he said.

Tommy shrugged. “You might live forever. I’m not doing five hundred years sitting around with old dead guys without you.”

Adam hummed. “Could’ve hung out with tons of rock stars,” he said.

Tommy smiled. “Even if I can’t even stay visible for more than a little while at a time, I’d rather be invisible and drawing energy from boxes of shit in a closet for a few minutes a day with you than an eternity with Jimi Hendrix,” he said.

Adam smiled. “So, why did you lead me down the alley to Hank’s shop?” he asked.

Tommy scoffed. “I’m a ghost, I can’t get my own revenge, dude. You gotta end those motherfuckers,” he said, and Adam giggled. “I heard stuff in the morgue-“

Adam gaped. “What?!?”

Tommy nodded. “Turns out, the people working there have to be prepared for bodies to rise after vampire deaths and they were talking about Hank’s shop and I was all ‘I can get Adam to go there and he’ll kill the vampires for me!’ and it worked,” he said, smiling brightly.

Adam nodded, then bit his lip. “What was this?” he asked, holding up his hand to wave the ring.

Tommy smiled sadly. “The one reason I hate being dead more than anything,” he said, and Adam sighed. “I wanted to marry you, Adam. I wanted it so bad. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and like… be fucking old with you, dude,” he said, and Adam chuckled wetly. “Now, I can never marry you and I’m _dead_ and you’re undead and like… neither of us are gonna get old and nobody else can see me but you, and I couldn’t even wear the fucking ring because it’s solid,” he said, pouting dramatically. “I really like that ring.”

Adam smiled. “Do you care that I’m wearing them and that people know?” he asked, and Tommy shook his head.

“If nothing else, everybody can know that, for at least a year, you were mine,” he said softly. “Will you do one favor?” he asked, and Adam nodded. “Will you put them on the same hand? I mean… if it doesn’t bug you when they clink or something,” he said quickly.

Adam shook his head, taking Tommy’s ring off his finger to put beside his. “We’re always together now,” he said, holding up his hand. Tommy smiled sadly, holding his hand up to Adams, only to cringe and sigh heavily as his hand went through Adam’s. “I can’t even feel that,” Adam noted, and Tommy just eyed him with a pained look. “Tommy?” he asked.

Tommy sighed shakily, closing his eyes. “I just wish… I can’t even touch your hand.” Adam nodded sadly. “I’m fighting to stay visible even now and I can’t touch your hand. I want- I want to be with you however I can, so I’m okay with sitting around all invisible but… it sucks so bad I can’t even hold your hand.” He shook his head, sitting up. “Hell, you couldn’t even _see_ me until now!”

Adam frowned. “You mean that wasn’t the first time you’ve been solid around me in here?” he asked.

Tommy shook his head. “I’ve stood between you and the TV, I’ve climbed on the couch with you, I’ve tried everything but this time you saw me.”

Adam smiled. “Well… maybe someday you’ll be strong enough to be solid?” he tried. “Or at least visible for longer,” he said, cringing when Tommy flickered out, looking pretty much like a haze.

Tommy snorted. “I don’t regret my choice but I really wonder what it’ll be like after the whole ‘I get to still see Adam!’ thing,” he said weakly, standing up to walk around. “What about when you move on?” he said softly, looking at the wall. “I mean… it seemed sorta like the only choice at first, to stay with you, but…” he slumped, finally going invisible. “What about when you get over the loss and shit and I’m stuck here, sitting in my closet while you’re with another guy?” his voice finished.

Adam frowned. “Tommy, it’s not like that,” he said, looking around for some sign Tommy was still there. “Tommy?” he tried, only to hear nothing at all. He sighed and lay down. “Tommy, if you’re still here… I’m glad you’re a ghost and not completely gone.” He smiled at his rings. “Hearing your voice is the best thing that’s happened to me since you died.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam didn’t see Tommy again for two weeks and figured he had imagined it all. “Why do you use the conditioner I used to use now?” he asked suddenly one morning while Adam fixed himself a cup of warmed blood, earning loud scream from Adam.

“Holy fuck!” he cried, then turned to see a mostly solid looking Tommy standing at the counter. “Tommy! Don’t disappear for two weeks then randomly scare the fuck out of me while I’m having breakfast,” he said, and Tommy made a face.

“You’re drinking warmed up pig’s blood.” Adam shrugged. “Well, you are!” he said with wide, innocent eyes.

Adam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, there’s that whole ‘vampire’ thing,” he said, and Tommy made a face. “Okay, what was the question? Your conditioner?” he asked.

Tommy nodded. “You use the conditioner I used to use,” he said, and Adam gave him a look.

“Why are you snooping around in my shower?” he demanded. “You obviously have been _in_ the shower to see the bottle.”

Tommy smirked. “Well, if you want the honest truth, I was getting me a show,” he said, winking.

Adam gaped. “TOMMY!” he cried, blushing. “Oh my God, you were _watching me shower_?!” he cried.

Tommy rolled his eyes. “I’m _dead_ , what else am I supposed to do for entertainment?” he asked.

“Not spy on people _in the shower_!”Adam argued shrilly. 

Tommy hummed. “You know, I wasn’t _always_ around, but dude, did you like… not jerk off at all for three or so months?” he asked.

Adam blushed as much as a vampire probably could. “First off, _so_ not your business. Also, being a vampire really, really lowers your sex drive. A lot,” he said. “And most importantly, do you know how hard it is to think ‘happy’ thoughts when every thought about sex leads to thinking about your boyfriend being _murdered_?! What can possibly be less sexy than that? I’m pretty sure thinking about where my brother came from is less disturbing than thinking about watching you die in front of me,” he said. He blinked. “Also, how the fuck do you know it was that long?”

Tommy grinned. “Cause I was totally peeping,” he said, and Adam glared. “What?! You’re the man I love, I’m totally allowed to watch!”

Adam glared. “Only if I _say_ it’s okay! God, Tommy, you’re even more infuriating dead,” he said, then cringed. “Sorry.”

Tommy shrugged. “Fuck that, I’ve missed you so much since I died, even fighting is a relief,” he said, and Adam offered a smile. “So, I’m working on this whole ‘solidity’ thing! I think I might have the ability to be mostly solid for really short amounts of time if I try _really_ hard!” he said. “Two days ago, I tried to go through the wall and totally cracked my face on the wall rather than going through the first time!”

Adam cringed. “About the only person to be happy to brain themselves,” he said, and Tommy smiled.

“Dude, it means one day I might be able to like… move things and open stuff and- and-“ he blushed and smiled a tiny smile. “Hold your hand.”

Adam wondered why he felt butterflies at the prospect of holding Tommy’s hand after all they’d been through, but couldn’t help the warm feeling as he watched Tommy look _happy_. Adam smiled. “Let me try something,” he said, walking around to where Tommy was. “Close your eyes and see if you can be solid enough for me to touch you.”

Tommy smiled brightly but closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Adam could see his form being more defined and he reached out gently to brush his fingers against Tommy’s face. He paused just millimeters from touching and then closed the distance, gasping softly when he felt a warm, tingling sensation, almost like warm water, flowing over his fingers when they dipped into Tommy’s face.

Tommy gasped and opened his eyes and the feeling was lost, once again completely without substance. “I felt something!” he said, looking excited. He laughed and danced around. “For the first time in months, I felt something that wasn’t a wall or a box!” he cried.

Adam smiled. “What did it feel like?”

Tommy paused. “Kinda like being poked in the face with warm butter or something… but it was _you_!” he cried brightly, laughing as he spun around.

Adam just smiled, finally feeling _happy_ for the first time in a long time. Until Neil walked in.

“Adam?” Adam’s eyes widened as Neil walked in and walked straight through Tommy, only to freeze and go wide eyed. “Whoa,” he frowned and touched his chest, looking at his shirt. “Dude, I swear it just felt like I walked into warm water,” he said, feeling around.

Tommy was frozen, eyes wide. “Neil felt me?!” he asked and Adam watched as Neil’s face paled.

“I swear I just heard my name, oh my God, I’m finally going crazy. Oh fuck,” Neil said, looking around blindly, backing into the counter. “Okay, I’m losing my mind, ignore me for a second,” he said, and Adam smiled gently.

“Neil… don’t worry about it. You’re just… having an off day,” he supplied. Neil had only been back a few days and he’d mostly bitched at Adam for getting into a fight with Sutan.

Tommy smirked. “Neeeeiiillllll,” he said in a ‘spooky’ voice. “Neeeeeiiiiiilllllllll!”

Neil frowned, looking around a little, looking right over Tommy’s head. Adam gave Tommy a glare and Tommy rolled his eyes.

“I get to have _some_ fun, dude,” he said, crossing his arms.

Neil looked at Adam, then bit his lip. “I’m losing it, man.”

Adam sighed, rolling his eyes. “Neil… If I say something will you try to believe me and not think I’m just insane or not moving on or something?” he asked, and Neil gave him a funny look. He smiled. “Are you hearing Tommy’s voice?” he asked, and Neil paled.

“Adam, if you’re hearing voices-“

“Dumbass, you can hear me, stop thinking he’s losing it too,” Tommy said, waving a hand in front of Neil’s face and Neil yelped, looking right at him without seeing him.

Adam chuckled. “Neil… Tommy’s a ghost,” he said gently and Neil’s eyes widened.

“What? There’s no such thing as ghosts!” he cried.

“Oh yeah?” Tommy asked and Neil squeaked again

Adam smiled. “You can’t see him, but I’m guessing you hear him, and when you walked in and felt ‘warm water’… you walked through him,” he said, and Neil looked grossed out.

“Ew.”

Tommy snorted. “Yeah, trust me, it was never exactly a dream of mine to have you _in me_ , dude,” he said, and Neil looked over his head again. “Just your brother.” Adam giggled at him.

“Oh _ew_!” Neil cried. “Where is he?” he asked, looking horrified.

Adam smiled and Tommy walked towards him, stopping right beside Adam. “He’s right there,” Adam said, pointing down at the top of Tommy’s head. “I haven’t seen him in two weeks, it’s hard for him to be visible but just now he informed me he’s been working on being solid and I was sorta able to touch him. Like… it felt like warm water just like you said and my fingers kinda went through his face.”

Tommy nodded. “You aren’t rid of me yet, bitch!” Tommy cried brightly.

Neil sighed. “It’s worse than before, I can hear him without seeing him,” he whined. “So, Tommy… how’s the afterlife treating you?” he asked conversationally and Tommy snorted.

“Well, I’m dead. I had to watch my boyfriend being heartbroken for months because he couldn’t see me yet. I can’t touch stuff or move things. At best I have the consistency of warm water. And did I mention _I’m dead_?” he asked.

Neil hummed. “So, not as bad as it could be?” he tried, and Tommy sighed.

“Well, I do get to spy on a lot of people and I can totally get Adam to exact my revenge for me against those assholes who murdered me and … undead-ed him,” he said.

“The good part?” Adam asked. “I have to kill vampires because you’re dead. If it was just me being undead, I wouldn’t be so out for revenge, Tommy. I’m out for revenge cause they took you from me and ruined the future we could’ve had together,” he said.

Tommy shrugged. “Eh, don’t you think I’d have rather _not_ died than have a reason for you to go all Buffy on their asses?” he asked. “I had a good life. I had a _great_ life. I was hot, and happy, and in the highest point of my career, and in love. I had plans on getting married in the future and shit and now I’m looking at still that possibility one day I’ll be hiding out in the storage closet while you’re doing somebody else in _our_ bed,” he said, and Neil cringed.

“Please remember I can hear both sides of this conversation,” he said.

Adam sighed. “Tommy, even if you weren’t a ghost in my house, do you honestly think there’s a likelihood I’m gonna be bringing boys home anytime soon?” he asked. “Or… ever? For one year I had the love of my life and we bought this house together. Even if I were to move on eventually, there is something about having sex in the same room you lived in with the love of your life kinda sickening,” he said. “And besides, as you brought up earlier, vampirism _really_ kills the sex drive.”

Neil cringed. “I almost wish _I_ were dead now,” he said, and Adam laughed.

“Sorry Neil, I sorta haven’t talked to him in two weeks, the whole ‘wait till later’ thing is kinda unsure for us,” he said apologetically.

Tommy nodded. “I’m still working on the whole ‘strength’ thing. It would help if all my shit wasn’t in a closet. I mean, I get it, but it makes the closet and the living room with my guitars the only places I can really build up energy.”

Neil smiled. “So… you’re sticking around?” he asked, still unable to see Tommy.

Tommy snorted. “Like I told Adam, it may have been a rash decision, but the whole ‘blinding lights’ and tons of old dead people wasn’t appealing when Adam’s undead and might not ever die,” he said then his voice softened. “I’m not spending eternity without him. If he gets a new dude later on, it’ll hurt but I’d rather be his friendly stalker-ghost than spend my time chilling with old rock stars, waiting for Adam if he may not ever come.”

Neil smiled sadly. “Aww… that’s really sad,” he said.

Tommy snorted. “So is your face.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam was sitting on the couch, just smiling as he watched Tommy sit beside him, watching TV. “You’re fading,” he said softly, and Tommy nodded.

“I’m getting tired, but hopefully I can keep from having to recharge until the movie’s gone off. You have no clue how bored I’ve been,” he said, shaking his head.

Adam eyed him. “Do you sleep?” he asked, and Tommy shook his head.

“No. I just… sit in the closet. Or beside one of my guitars. The closet’s best but I can get a sorta small-charge from the guitars. I guess I’m like plugging up a laptop or something,” he said softly.

Adam shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

Tommy looked over and shrugged, smiling sadly. “Not your fault.”

Adam bit his lip. “It is,” he said weakly, looking away. “I said we should walk. I got us both killed-“

“Adam, no, don’t-“ Tommy tried, but Adam shook his head, sniffling.

“I know, the past, huh?” he said.

Tommy sighed. “Look… we’ll just… deal with this,” he said, and Adam nodded. Tommy eyed him. “Can… Can I try something?” he asked, and Adam shrugged, but nodded. “Lay down and I’m going to lie beside you and see if I get energy from you,” he said.

Adam shrugged. “May as well try,” he said, and then lay down. Tommy was barely visible anymore and he lay down. Adam obviously couldn’t feel him, but he could see Tommy’s hazy figure as he lay in front of him. Adam closed his eyes and could almost imagine feeling Tommy’s warmth from the memories of all the times they had done something similar before they lost each other.

Adam sighed but didn’t speak. Something was better than nothing.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam woke up to the sound of Tommy’s voice. “Son of a bitch, heavy sleeper! Wake the fuck up or I’ll become semi-solid and push something over on you! I can probably move this pillow if I try super hard!”

“Tommy?” he mumbled, then turned his head, blinking blearily. “What?”

Tommy snorted. “Sutan’s at the door too afraid to knock,” he said, and Adam groaned. “He’s been out there for like… twenty minutes. I know you guys fought,” he said, and Adam looked up.

“You heard that?” he asked, and Tommy nodded.

“Yeah, and don’t worry, Sutan is a slut, he knows it,” Tommy reassured, earning a sleepy laugh. “You should make up with him,” he said.

Adam nodded. “Are you going to lurk?” he asked, and Tommy nodded, grinning.

“I wonder if I can make Sutan see me?” he wondered as Adam put on some real clothes.

Adam cringed. “Sure that’s a good idea? What if he _does_?” he asked, and Tommy shrugged.

“The bitch wanted you to go out and pick up dudes after I’d only been dead half a year! Sure, if I’d _left_ you, six months would be a ridiculous time to wait, but you lost your boyfriend, not ‘were dumped by’ but _lost_! Also, I’m not just a random boyfriend, I was the guy you had plans for. If _you_ wanted to get over me, I would understand, but somebody trying to pressure _my_ Adam into forgetting me pisses me off some,” he said, crossing his arms.

Adam smiled sadly. “I’d never forget you, TommyJoe,” he said, earning a smile.

“Like I told you. If you _wanted_ to forget me, I’d be okay with it. But I know you don’t.” Tommy reached out as if to touch Adam’s cheek, only to sigh and pull back when he remembered the best he could do would be the sensation of warm water.

Adam just smiled. “Eh, maybe you can scare the shit out of him. I’d love to hear him scream like a girl just for my own satisfaction,” he said, winking.

Tommy grinned and followed Adam downstairs. “I wish I could get naked. I’d totally run around naked around Sutan. That way if he did see me he’d think he’s even crazier.”

Adam eyed him. “I wondered why you’re wearing that. Did you even have that outfit left before you died?” he asked, and Tommy shrugged.

“Somewhere in the boxes, I’m sure. I just wish I’d at least have come back wearing platforms so I could be slightly taller in the afterlife you know?” he said, and Adam smiled, blowing him a kiss as he opened the door.

Sutan came in, pacing. “Look, Adam, we had a fight and I don’t like going a long time like this without talking, and I’m sorry, and I was horrible, and-“ Sutan’s eyes widened as he spotted Tommy. “AHHHHHH!” He flailed, tossing his sunglasses and bag up into the air.

Adam snickered, only to cringe as Sutan fainted. “Huh,” he said, and Tommy eyed him curiously.

“I didn’t exactly expect… that,” he said simply. Adam nodded. “Think we should wake him up?” he asked, standing over Sutan, and Adam nodded again.

“Yeah, that might be best,” he suggested. Adam smiled. Tommy raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Adam snorted. “See if that bitch tries to convince me to fucking get over you again,” he said, and Tommy smiled back.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Sutan finally woke up, Adam cringed. “Shit, what happened?” he asked, blinking blearily as he sat up, only to stop himself mid groan as he spotted Tommy standing. “Oh my God, I’m losing it,” he said, eyes wide.

Adam chuckled. “No, you’re not,” he said gently, and Sutan snatched his head to look at Adam, then back at Tommy.

“But- but Tommy’s dead!” he cried, and Adam nodded. 

“He is… but after we fought… I saw him,” Adam said, and Tommy walked over.

Tommy smiled. “Can you hear me as well?” he tried, and Sutan put a hand over his mouth, nodding. “Sweet, Neil can only hear me,” he said brightly.

Adam just smiled gently as Sutan shook his head, tearing up. “Sutan, it’s okay,” he said, and Sutan just shook his head harder, letting out muffled sobs into his hand.

“T-Tommy?!” he gasped out, tears slipping down his cheeks.

Tommy walked over, nodding. “Hey there life partner,” he said softly, earning a broken sob.

Sutan looked at Adam, wide eyed. “You- he… what?!” he asked, and Adam sighed.

“After you and I fought, I looked up and he was just… there. And he went away for a while but he came back and Neil can hear him. Then he’s been able to manage to be visible enough more often,” he said.

Tommy nodded. “I’m getting stronger. I’m able to sorta move things now when I try hard. It’s like… my energy is able to concentrate some,” he said.

Sutan just smiled wetly. “I’ve seriously missed you, Tommy,” he said, and Tommy smiled.

“Apparently everybody has.” Sutan just eyed him, shaking his head. “Look, it’s pretty simple,” Tommy started, and then explained the entire situation to Sutan. When he finished, Sutan was staring at him still. “Sutan?” he tried, and Sutan just shook his head.

“This is insane,” he said, and Adam nodded.

“Pretty much.” He shrugged. “It’s ridiculous this is happening but still,” he looked at Tommy and smiled sadly. “It’s better than him being gone for real,” he said softly.

Tommy snorted. “I’ve said it already, Lambert,” he said, and Sutan eyed them curiously as they looked at each other. “Even if I’m just fucking energy floating around or whatever, there’s no way in hell I was spending a few hundred years in heaven or where the fuck ever you go after you die waiting on you when you’re undead as it is,” he said.

Adam sighed. “It’s really good I didn’t kill myself, huh?” he tried, and Tommy glared playfully.

“If you had, I’d have found a way to get wherever you were and kick your ass,” he joked.

Sutan gasped. “You were going to _what_?!” he demanded, and Adam nodded sheepishly. “ADAM!” he cried in shock.

Adam snorted. “Sutan, it was after you and I fought. I was wondering how the hell I could kill myself. I’m still unsure about my future, but at least now I’ve got… something,” he said waving a hand. “The way I saw it then was nothing left in the entire fucking world for me. Sure, Ghost-Tommy isn’t exactly like having Tommy back, but it’s at least closure. I at least _know_ how he is, and what’s going on with him,” he said, and Tommy nodded.

Sutan eyed Tommy curiously. “How did you stay as a ghost?” he asked. “I mean… if there’s some afterlife, how did you not… go?” he asked curiously.

Tommy shrugged. “I’m not sure. When-“ he cringed, shrinking in on himself some. “When I died… I don’t remember much. Like… I remember it happening, and I remember knowing it was over, but there’s really no sense of time between like… death and there really was a bright light, but it wasn’t some end of the tunnel shit,” he said, making a face. “It was dark and cold and then suddenly it was bright and there were voices, and I remember thinking about nothing else but finding Adam,” he said, looking down at his hands as he remembered. “I didn’t know he wasn’t dead too, but… it’s what I was thinking about. And I guess maybe that was why I didn’t ‘go on’ or whatever,” he said simply. “I mean… maybe when you die, if you aren’t ready for it, you just… don’t go wherever you go,” he said.

Adam smiled sadly and Sutan looked shocked. “Tommy was telling me about how shocking it was to realize there _was_ something after death,” he said, smiling.

Sutan frowned. “So… you’ve just… been here all along?” he asked.

Tommy shook his head. “I couldn’t control it really. Like… the first thing I remember was being at my own funeral,” he said, and Sutan looked shocked. “I was standing in the trees away from everybody and watching.”

Adam nodded. “I saw him at the tree line and thought I was going crazy,” he admitted, and Sutan looked at him in shock. 

Tommy smiled. “I was able to get here but I couldn’t leave my stuff for long. It’s my energy source. Well, my stuff in the closet now. When it was all spread out it was easier to go around the house, but now I sorta have to like… charge up or something,” he said.

Adam nodded. “We did find out that, even if it’s not as helpful, he can draw energy from me too,” he said, and Tommy nodded.

“I sorta have to like… sit where I would be overlapping him kinda if I were solid,” he said, and Sutan just shook his head.

“Shit, Tommy,” he said, and Tommy nodded with a half smile. “Can you be solid?” he asked, and Tommy shook his head.

“I’m hoping I can be eventually. I’ve got better. It took Adam six months to see me and I was here the whole time. And then when I try super hard I can knock stuff over, but it’s hard to control that. And I can easily reach what feels like warm water now!” he said, then held out his hand, closing his eyes. 

Sutan eyed him becoming slightly sharper, edges tightening up, and frowned. Adam nudged him and he reached out, like he was going to grab Tommy’s hand. He gasped when he felt exactly what he said. It was like warm water that didn’t leave his fingertips wet. “That’s amazing,” he said.

Tommy stopped and immediately went untouchable again. He smiled. “Yeah. I can sorta do it for a while now. Not ages, but like… at least a few minutes. I can sorta feel it when someone touches me too. Like, just then I kinda felt like… warmth.” He looked at Adam. “Adam can poke my face or my arm and it feels kinda like being poked with warm butter or something.”

Sutan shook his head. “I’ll be damned,” he said, then noticed Adam’s hand when he pushed his hair back. “Fuck,” he started, eyes wide. “So were those rings, really…” he trailed off and Tommy nodded solemnly. “Fuck, baby, that sucks so hard,” he said, and Tommy snorted.

“You’re telling me,” he said, shaking his head. “There’s so much shit I never get to do now,” he said softly, watching Adam’s hand. “I miss playing my guitars, I miss being everybody’s favorite short dude-“ Adam and Sutan both chuckled. “I miss all my friends and my family, and I miss being in Adam’s ‘entourage’ and shit, but the one thing that I hate more than anything is the fact that I honestly wanted to marry Adam,” he said, and Adam looked up, catching his eyes. “Now I never can.”

Adam shrugged. “No reason to dwell on it, Glitterbaby,” he said, and Tommy snorted.

“I really wish that was the name on my headstone,” he joked, and Adam chuckled.

“I thought about it, but your mom didn’t seem so keen on the idea,” he said.

Tommy shook his head. “I miss her,” he said softly, and Sutan frowned, noticing how he flickered.

“What’s going on?” he asked, and Tommy eyed his own hands.

Adam sighed. “Tommy’s tired,” he said, and Tommy nodded. “When he needs to ‘recharge’ he starts flickering. All the touching has taken a lot, I guess.”

Sutan just shook his head. “Fucking hell, Tommy,” he said, and Tommy smiled.

“Eh, I’ve got to go ‘recharge’ but you know one thing, bitch,” he said with a smirk. “Don’t try and force Adam into doing shit. I told him before, if he had _wanted_ to get over me with other guys, I’d deal with it. But don’t try and convince him he has to ‘get over it’ just because I’m dead. And I don’t care how many guys he fucks some day, I better not have to see it in _our_ bed,” he said, and Sutan smiled sadly.

“I was just… trying to help. I get it was wrong to try that now, but don’t you think Adam’s the only person that really misses you, bitch,” he said, and Tommy smiled.

“See you, life partner,” he said, winking before he blinked out completely. Sutan’s eyes widened and Adam smiled sadly.

“He loves that, little dramatic bitch,” he said softly. Sutan could see Adam’s face and just shook his head.

“Adam-“ he started, and Adam just shook his head, sniffling. Sutan reached out and grabbed his hand, only to find himself being hugged desperately. He sighed and reached up to stroke Adam’s hair as he hugged him. “It’s okay,” he said, and Adam just shook his head, nearly squeezing him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam lay facing Tommy, who was right across from him. They were as close as they could be without ‘touching’, simply looking at each other. “When you died, were you afraid?” Adam asked softly.

Tommy seemed to think, then nodded slowly. “Yeah. But… not in the way I should’ve been probably,” he admitted. “It’s like… I was in so much pain and I was so scared and I could see you so fucking scared and I was double scared because I wasn’t sure what was happening and if you would be okay, and-“ he took a breath, then shook his head. “It all just stopped. It started getting dark and cold and you were the last thing I saw.” Adam frowned when he saw silvery tears forming in Tommy’s eyes. “And I was alone and it was quiet and I was confused and so scared,” he sniffled. “And then it wasn’t dark, it was bright, and like I said, there were voices. And like… I didn’t recognize any of them and I didn’t think there was anything after death, so it was like… like the biggest shock and I just wanted you,” he admitted, and Adam closed his eyes, unable to watch the ghostly tears on Tommy’s mostly solid looking face. “I wanted nothing more than to go back to you. It was like… everything was so scary and you are the one thing that always makes things better and I wanted _you_.”

Adam sniffled. “You always have me, baby,” he breathed softly. “No matter what, you _always_ have me.”

Tommy shook his head. “I was so used to you fixing shit. I tried so hard when I was alive to not let you fix all my problems, I wanted to do it myself, but you always did.” He looked up. “Whenever I had a nightmare, you were what made the monsters go away.”

Adam let out a pained noise. “But I couldn’t do it then,” he said, and Tommy nodded weakly. “And now I am the monster,” he breathed, and Tommy shook his head.

“You’re my Adam.” Tommy reached out to stop Adam from crying more, only to remember he couldn’t touch. He closed his eyes and made to at least pretend to stroke Adam’s hair, only to gasp when his fingers met solidness.

Adam’s eyes opened and he stared. “Is that-“

Tommy lifted a piece of Adam’s hair, and gaped, only to drop it and reach for Adam’s cheek, only to sigh as his hand, once again, seemed to be like warm water.

Adam closed his eyes. “Oh my God,” he contained himself and smiled. “I felt you!”

Tommy beamed. “I was able to grab your hair,” he said happily. “That’s amazing,” he said, shaking his head.

Adam nodded. “Try it again,” he said, and Tommy closed his eyes and reached out, sighing when he wasn’t able to grab his hair again. “Well, you can do it, we know that much,” he said softly.

Tommy smiled. “Maybe one day, I’ll at least be able to feel you again,” he said, and Adam nodded.

“It’s amazing how much I’d give to just hold your hand again,” Adam whispered, and Tommy smiled.

“Someday, maybe.”

Adam nodded, swallowing thickly. “Yeah, someday.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam looked at the faces of everyone in the room and looked at the figures and words on the papers in front of him and just sighed. “So, this is it,” he said, looking at Lane. He’d finished recording, done a few interviews here and there, and put of touring as long as possible. “Tour,” he mumbled.

“Why aren’t you happy?” Lane asked, frowning as some of the others muttered to each other like he and Lane weren’t even able to see them.

Adam just shrugged. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “I just…” he shook his head and gave her a weak smile. “I never really thought I’d have to do this. I knew it was coming but I just can’t imagine touring again so soon. It’s okay, I’m- I’ll be ready,” he reassured.

She smiled sadly. “I’m sorry,” she said, and Adam just shrugged.

“Life goes on,” he said softly.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Adam got home, he was happy to see Neil there. He had been visiting a lot more often since Tommy had died and Adam liked seeing his brother. “Neil, why do you have a key to my place?” he asked jokingly.

Neil smiled. “Cause you need me to _survive_!” he teased. He smiled. “Sucks you’re so late, Tommy just went to go rest a few minutes ago. He’ll be down for a few hours, probably,” he said, then nodded at the sheets of paper on the table. “Take a look,” he said, and Adam walked over, only to frown as he noticed the handwriting.

“What?!” he asked, looking shocked. “How-“ he trailed off, reaching out to examine the pencil that must’ve been used to write the many variations of ‘Tommy Joe Ratliff’ that were written in Tommy’s handwriting. 

Neil grinned. “He can use his _mind_ dude! Like, he couldn’t hold the pencil himself and got frustrated, cause were working on him being solid and stuff, so he just like… waved a hand at it and went ‘how hard can it be to write my damn name?’ and suddenly the pencil like… moved. And it took a lot of practice and it took a _lot_ out of him once he got the hang of it, but he can like… sorta make the motions in air and his mind or something moves the pencil in the same motion of his hands. It was awesome.”

Adam smiled. “That’s great!” he cried, then sat down, looking at the pages, only to blush when he saw how many of them had his name as well. He found one and bit his lip, smiling. “Awwwww,” he said softly as he examined the giant Tommy ‘hearts’ Adam sheet. “Tommy,” he whispered fondly, smiling at the paper both sadly and regretfully.

Neil looked at it and smiled sadly. “Yeah, I saw him doing that one,” he said softly. He reached out and put a hand on Adam’s shoulder, lending him strength. “How was the meeting?” he asked, changing topics.

Adam sighed heavily, shaking his head. “Tour. I’m going on tour. A long one,” he said giving Neil a nervous look. “How- how am I supposed to leave him for so long?” he asked softly. “It’s nearly nine months.”

Neil shook his head. “You have to, Adam. He’d want you to keep going. He loves your new album,” he said and Adam nodded.

“I know, but… he’s stuck here. In this house. He can’t leave it, Neil. How can I leave him here all alone for nine months?” he asked bitterly. “I can’t abandon him here like that when I’m the only reason he’s here on earth. Hell, I’m the only reason we’re both _dead_!” he hissed. “I can’t just- just-“

Neil reached out for his wrist. “Adam,” he said in a warning tone, and Adam deflated. “I know,” he said softly and Adam just sniffled, shaking his head.

“Neil-“

“No,” Neil said forcefully. “I _know_.” He shook his head. “Tour without Tommy will suck ass,” he said softly.

Adam sighed, looking at him. “Will you stay here with him?” he asked softly. “I know mom wants you to come on tour with me,” he started and Neil looked uneasy. “I know she thinks I need you to take care of me like a good brother and all, but…” He looked down at the pages in front of them. “I can’t leave him alone.”

Neil sighed. “How do we explain it to mom?” he asked curiously. “We can’t just say ‘hi mom, I want to hang out at Adam’s house instead of go on tour!’ and her buy it.”

Adam shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe… well, Tommy and I tried to see if Monte could see or hear him, but he couldn’t… but maybe mom can?” he asked. “We should at least try,” he offered.

Neil shrugged. “Worth a try.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam woke up, only to frown when he felt an arm laid over his side. “Wha?” he mumbled, turning, only to sigh as he saw his mom’s hand on top of the cover. “Mom?” he asked tiredly.

She grumbled from behind him. “Neil let me in and I decided to laze around on the bed until you woke up, but now I don’t want to get up,” she said, and Adam smiled, chuckling as he twisted around, facing her. “Morning,” she said, and Adam grumbled back, hiding his face in the pillow.

“M’tired,” he said in a small voice.

“Neil said you guys had something you wanted to try with me. I feel a sense of foreboding,” she said, and Adam smiled.

“Just something we want to see,” he said, then glanced up, raising an eyebrow as he saw Tommy peeking in the door. “What do you want?” he asked tiredly, smiling.

“Who is it?” Leila asked, turning to prop up on her elbows to look, only to stop. Adam smiled as he knew his mom saw him. “Oh my-“ she breathed, sitting up.

Tommy walked in and smiled. “You can see me,” he said, sounding relieved.

Leila just stared. “I don’t… how does…”

Adam sat up, smiling tiredly. “Morning baby,” he said, and Tommy smiled brightly, walking around the bed to climb onto the foot, sitting crosslegged as he looked up at Adam and Leila.

“Morning.” He looked at Leila. “Long story or short version?” he asked, and she just stared, clearly not sure what she was seeing. “I’m a ghost. Or whatever. I came back not long after I died but Adam didn’t know about me for about six months. Now, though, we’ve been good for a while,” he said.

Adam nodded. “Tommy’s getting so much better. At first it was hard for me to see him for long, he kept having trouble staying visible, but now he’s on his way to solidity!” he said excitedly. “He touched my hair once, so we know he can do it, we’ve just not got that one down yet.”

Tommy nodded. “But I can write with my brain or something!” he said brightly. He hopped up and ran to nod at the piece of paper on the bedside table beside her. “Look,” he said, then used his brain to pick up the pencil beside it and write his name next to the doodles he’d made the day before.

When Leila finally spoke, she had tears in her eyes. “I missed you so much, kid,” she said and Tommy smiled widely.

“I’d hug you but I can’t,” he said, and she laughed wetly.

“I’ll settle for pretending,” she said, and Adam just smiled, grateful she could see Tommy.

“Neil and I wanted to see if you can see him to tell whether or not I could tell you the real reason I want Neil to not come on tour with me,” he said, and she frowned.

“What? You know you need Neil! Nobody else is fearless enough to bitch at you when you need it,” she said.

Adam shook his head. “Tommy can’t leave this house. He did it twice before he got like… attached to his stuff in storage, but he can’t leave and tour is nine months,” he said.

Tommy shuddered. “I knew it was coming, but I still hate it,” he said, going to sit beside Adam as close as he could without overlapping. 

Adam nodded. “Neil can stay here and at least give him some company. I can’t stand the thought of him alone. Nine months all by himself? Hell no.”

Tommy smiled. “Adam, I’ll be okay,” he said softly.

Adam shook his head. “I won’t leave you alone, Tommy.”

Leila smiled sadly. “God, baby, you’re really stuck here?” she asked, and he nodded.

Adam sighed. “I hate it. I don’t want to go on tour. For the first time ever, I honest to God just want to get it all over with.”

Tommy shook his head. “You can’t start giving up your life because I’m dead. You love your job,” he said, and Adam sighed.

“Yeah, but I hate knowing how bad I’ll be missing you. I honestly never thought I’d be on tour without you almost ten seconds after I met you,” he said and Tommy smiled sadly.

“Well, you’ll have to, dude. I can’t help I’m dead any more than you can,” he said, looking up at him.

Adam sighed, but nodded. “I know,” he said, then smiled. “I’ll work out a way to talk to you every day though. I’ll get Neil to put his phone on speaker or something and leave it in the room with you.”

Tommy smiled brightly. “Good, cause dude, I’d really hate to have to make him text for me,” he said and Adam smiled at him.

Leila just shook her head sadly as she watched them smiling at each other. They looked at each other the same way after death as they did when they were alive.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“So, have you met the new bassist yet?” Tommy asked as he watched Adam packing.

Adam nodded. “He’s alright. His name’s Adam too, so that’s pretty cool,” he said, and Tommy nodded. He sighed. “He’s no you, that’s for sure,” he said, looking up. 

Tommy nodded. “So, does he go by Adam? That could be confusing,” he said, and Adam nodded.

“He said we can call him Andy, cause his middle name is Andrew, but he usually goes by Adam,” he said. 

Tommy picked at his pants, though they both knew nothing could stick to them. “So… are you gonna kiss him?” he asked, trying to look disinterested, but Adam couldn’t help smiling when he heard a jealous note in his voice.

“I don’t know,” Adam said. “Everybody says we should, and Andy’s bisexual, so he’s okay with it, but… I just don’t think I want to, you know,” he said, and Tommy looked up.

“Why, it’s just for show.”

Adam shook his head. “It was never just for show,” he said softly, and Tommy smiled sadly. “I’m a good actor, babe, but do you really think the passion we pulled off on stage could’ve worked if it was all just acting?” he asked, and Tommy smiled wider.

“I hope not,” he said. He sighed. “I don’t know, I mean… you can kiss him, you know? I won’t- it doesn’t seem fair to deprive the fans just because of me,” he said, and Adam snorted.

“Do you think they wouldn’t call me a slut for kissing him?” he asked and Tommy smirked.

“They loved me,” he said, and Adam smiled sadly.

“Have you _seen_ the internet? People still miss you, dude. Fans still talk about how much they wish you were here,” he said.

Tommy shrugged. “Do you really think I can get on the internet?” he asked, and Adam snorted.

“I’ll get Neil to let you stalk his twitter sometime,” he said, and Tommy chuckled.

“Just wait until I figure out how to type! I’ll hack onto Neil’s twitter and post dirty things so he gets blamed for it,” he said, and Adam laughed.

“Don’t let mom catch you,” he said, and Tommy sighed, flopping down on the bed as Adam folded stuff to put in his bag. 

“I miss playing music,” he admitted. “I mean… I can still write some stuff now that I’ve got the pencil thing down, but… I really miss it,” he said.

Adam looked up. “Maybe you’ll be able to again someday?” he asked.

Tommy sighed, rolling onto his back. “I hope so.” He looked down. “I really wish I could get naked,” he said, and Adam looked up, raising an eyebrow. Tommy chuckled. “I can’t even be sure my dick is still there, dude,” he said, and Adam snickered.

“That would suck, you know? Come back without all your body parts,” he said.

Tommy shrugged. “Eh, I don’t have normal body functions and I sure as hell can’t jerk off, so doesn’t matter that much,” he said, and Adam snorted, laughing.

“Alright, well I’ve got to get finished, so will you get up off my clothes?” he asked, looking down at him. “I know you’re not solid, but I’m not comfortable reaching _through_ you to grab them,” he said, and Tommy rolled over, smiling as Adam grabbed his clothes.

“Hey Adam?” Tommy said softly, watching him packing with a thoughtful look on his face.

Adam hummed. “Yeah?” he asked, not looking up.

Tommy sighed. “You know… I won’t be upset if you start seeing other guys,” he said and Adam looked up, frowning. “I just mean-” Tommy sat up, biting his lip. “A nine month tour is a long time. People will think something’s up if you swear off boys and besides, you’re young and beautiful… you deserve to live it up, you know?” he said softly. He sighed. “It- it’s not fair of me to expect you to just… stay away from all the guys who want you naked.”

Adam sighed. “Tommy… I can’t _swear_ I won’t slip if we’re out partying or something and I get drunk, but… I don’t want anybody else,” he said simply. “I don’t have much of a sex drive as it is anyways.”

Tommy shrugged. “I’m just saying that… you don’t owe me any loyalty, is all,” he said. He looked down. “I’ve been dead for ten months,” he said.

Adam bit his lip, pausing as he held up one last shirt to pack. “Even if I don’t owe you loyalty… I feel loyal to you, Tommy,” he said. “I don’t know that I can swear I always will, but even if it’s been nearly a year since I lost you, I still feel like you were it for me. Besides, I can’t date anybody else. I can’t hide being a vampire from anybody I’d be a danger to and nobody is gonna date a vampire,” he said.

Tommy smiled. “If they’re stupid maybe,” he said and Adam smiled. “Just… remember what I said, okay? I want you to be happy. I can’t expect you to deprive yourself of the joys of being hot and famous just because of your dead ex-boyfriend.” Adam nodded and went to finish packing.

Later that night, while he was in bed trying to fall asleep and Tommy was laying on the bed beside him, he looked over tiredly. “Do you really think of yourself as my ex-boyfriend?” he asked, looking a bit sad.

Tommy sighed. “No,” he admitted. “But I’m dead. Maybe it’s more ‘late’ boyfriend, but whatever. I’m still not… your boyfriend anymore,” he mumbled, looking away from Adam’s eyes.

Adam sighed. “Even if you’re not technically my boyfriend anymore, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you, Tommy.” He smiled at him and wiggled closer, until they were as close as they could get. “I’ve never once loved you any less in death than I did when we were alive together, Glitterbaby.”

Tommy nodded. “I love you too, Babyboy. I swear I never stopped.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam was, admittedly, a little upset when his cab came and he still hadn’t seen Tommy that morning. Neil was there and he looked sorry for Adam when Adam stood at the door, watching the hallway for a drawn out moment, almost as if hoping Tommy would magically appear. “I guess he was just too tired after last night?” Neil offered and Adam sighed, nodding. Neil took Adam’s bags and started for the car, knowing Adam needed a minute to compose himself.

“Alright, I can’t wait anymore, I guess,” he said, sighing. He turned around. “If you can hear me, bye Tommy!” he called out, then turned to the door to walk out.

“Adam! Wait a second!” He turned back hopefully, smiling brightly when he spotted Tommy rushing towards him. “Adam, I just did something you have to see!” he said brightly, beaming.

Adam raised an eyebrow, but felt his eyes widen when Tommy held up his hand, almost like he was waving. “Wow, you look pretty solid, I can see your fingerprints,” he said.

Tommy grinned. “Touch my hand,” he said, and Adam felt his eyes widen as he realized what Tommy was saying.

“W-what?” Adam asked, but held up his hand. He bit his lip, almost afraid as he moved it towards Tommy’s. However, Tommy got tired of waiting and reached out, flattening his palm to Adam’s. Adam gasped, feeling his eyes tear. “Tommy,” he breathed weakly, carefully sliding his fingers to lace with Tommy’s carefully.

Tommy smiled. “It’s not my whole body, I’m still not strong enough… but I can make my hands solid! I just… I realized it this morning and I was trying to get it long enough so I could touch you. That’s why I was so long coming,” he said, then beamed when Adam let out a shaky, wet laugh and held Tommy’s hand, lowering his lips to kiss Tommy’s knuckles. Tommy sighed unsteadily, closing his eyes as he _felt_ Adam’s large, warm hands and soft, gentle kiss. 

“Tommy, this is amazing,” Adam said, beaming. He heard the car horn honk outside and groaned. “Shit, I’ve got to go now,” he said, and Tommy just shook his head, smiling.

“I’m just happy I was able to feel you, Adam. I love you so much,” he said, beaming.

Adam just laughed wetly, nodding as he wiped his eyes. “I love you too baby,” he said, then kissed Tommy’s palm before letting go of his hand. “Bye, Tommy,” he said.

Tommy nodded, smiling sadly. “Bye, Adam,” he said, then watched as Adam turned to run to the car. Neil gave Adam a quick hug and slap on the back, and then watched as he drove away. Tommy just sighed and looked at his hand, smiling.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam was tired after the first show. He hadn’t done a real show in ages. However, after the show, when everybody was going out to party, he decided to stay in.

“Oh come on, Adam,” Monte said, slinging an arm around his middle. “Adam Lambert never turns down a party,” he said, and Adam sighed.

“I’m tired and my ‘condition’ needs tending to,” he said pointedly. Monty nodded, showing he understood that Adam needed some blood. “I’d be a risk, you know?” he said, and Monte nodded.

“Alright, I get it,” he said. He looked at Adam. “Is that it?” he asked, and Adam saw the knowing look on his face.

Adam sighed. “Tour is… just hard,” he said softly. “I didn’t want to come,” he admitted.

Monte nodded. “Yeah, I know what you mean,” he said, turning to walk off, leaving Adam to slip away to get some blood without everybody asking him where he’s going.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A week into tour, Adam woke up with a text from Neil’s phone. He smiled as he read it.

_TJ still can’t text and I found out in a test that you can’t hear him over the phone, or we’d have called you sooner, but he wanted me to tell you he misses you and he hopes you’re having a lot of fun. I hope you have fun too, you know. Call mom soon, she’s bugging me._

Adam sighed, opening up a text in return. He smiled as he typed, biting his lip around a giggle. 

_Tell him I miss him so much and that it’s not easy for any of us to play without him, but I’m having a pretty good time anyways. I will call her, don’t worry._

He sighed, yawning as he stood up out of his bunk. He walked out and smiled. This tour, he was the sharing a bus with the band rather than the dancers because Monte was the only person on tour who knew about his ‘condition’ and he helped Adam hide his blood habit. When he walked out, Monte had already warmed up a thermos full of blood, which they claimed was Adam’s new breakfast blend drink. “Wow, you actually look happy for once,” Monte teased and Adam smiled.

“Eh, I was texting Neil. Picking on little brothers always makes the day better,” he said, shrugging as he took the thermos. “Thanks,” he said, then took a sip, cringing at the fact he liked the taste so much. “So, how long are we on here?” he asked, and Monte started to speak, only to have them all hear a loud thud. They both looked back and burst out laughing when they saw Isaac laying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling from his spot between the bunks. 

“You okay dude?” Monte called, and Isaac sat up, looking confused.

“I’m not used to a top bunk. I was bottom bunk last time,” he said, grumbling.

Adam laughed. “I’m just glad I have my little room back there, because trust me, there’s no way in hell I’d even fit in one of those bunks,” he said, nodding at Isaac, who struggled to his feet. “Tiny little shit,” he joked.

Isaac smiled sleepily. “Andy’s nearly too tall for his bunk. Looks like it’s just me and Monte left, huh grandpa?” he asked, grinning at Monte, only to freeze when he saw the look flicker across Monte’s face.

Adam cringed, seeing the smile slide off his face and Monte shook his head, turning to walk away without a word. Isaac sighed, looking down before giving Adam an apologetic smile as he turned to walk away. Adam sighed, biting his lip as he felt a lump growing in his throat. He swallowed a few times and it eased off, but the damage was still done to his happy morning mood. He sat down on the couch, sighing as he sipped his blood.

There was a groan and he looked up to see Andy coming out. “Kill. Me,” he whined, tossing himself down on the couch beside Adam, nearly getting a face full of Adam’s crotch.

Adam snorted. “Please don’t head butt me in the balls,” he said, scrunching himself up towards the arm.

Andy looked up. “I’d be more afraid for my head, cause you’ve got fucking balls of steel to put up with these assholes all day long,” he said, and Adam laughed. “Seriously, do you have any idea how often Isaac farts in the middle of the night?! Right above my bunk!” he whined.

Adam snorted, barely able to not spitting blood across the room. That would be pretty hard to explain. “Oh my God, what?!” he asked, doubling over. “No, honestly I’ve never shared with Isaac,” he said. “And what does that have to do with my ‘balls of steel’?” he asked, making a face.

Andy shrugged. “Not sure if you’ve never noticed, but these people can be pretty bitchy,” he said, laying back against the opposite arm of the couch, flinging his feet up on Adam’s lap, earning a pointed glare.

Adam scoffed. “Do I look like a footstool? And besides, what do you mean they can be bitchy? Everybody here’s so nice,” he said.

Andy shrugged. “I just feel like I’m always being judged sometimes and it’s never me being up to their par,” he said.

Adam cringed. “Well, the problem is, honestly, that I got back the same crew I left the last tour with,” he said, and Andy nodded, waiting for the rest. “Except one,” Adam pointed out.

Andy cringed. “Shit, sorry,” he said, and Adam smiled sadly.

“I think I’m probably the only one that’s accepted you as you and not ‘the new Tommy’,” he said, looking down at his thermos as he held it between his thighs. “It’s not easy to be here, but I’m really sick of everybody tiptoeing around it,” he said, and Andy nodded.

“Well… they’re just trying to not think about it. I mean, I didn’t know him but obviously every single person here misses him,” he said. “I mean… I guess they want to not think about it for themselves and for you, since everybody knows they have nothing on loss as you do,” he suggested gently.

Adam smiled. “They don’t, but I’m tired of them pretending he was never here. I didn’t want to be here. I still don’t,” he admitted. “I’m here because I know for a fact Tommy would be pissed as hell if I let myself hide just because of him,” he said. “And I’m sick of them pretending he wasn’t here, because he was. He’s half the reason my act didn’t fall flat half into the first tour. And you’re not a replacement, you’re just another person. They need to get that,” he said, shrugging.

Andy cringed. “Yeah, but I don’t want to be the one to pull it out in the open, you know? It’s like the guy’s a pink elephant and I’m the only one that doesn’t know where it’s hiding.”

Adam sighed. “I’m probably gonna mention it soon. I’m sick of them acting like he’s not always gonna be in all of our hearts. It’s not just me he made a mark on, if you had ever met the dude, you’d know that every single person he was ever friends with remember every single thing he said just because of who he was,” he said softly. “I swear to God, people think I’m a big personality,” he shook his head with a laugh. “That fucker had a big personality, dude. There’s no person I know of in the world who made a bigger mark on people. You can look back at his metal-head Tommy days, even the people he was friends with then showed up at his funeral, that’s how much he marked people. People he’d not seen or heard from in ten years, you know?” Adam shook his head. “They can’t fucking hide that he was here, dude.”

Andy shrugged. “I’m leaving that can of worms closed but you do what you gotta do, honey,” he said, and Adam laughed.

“You’ve gotta meet my friend Sutan, he calls me ‘honey’ all the time,” he said, grinning. Andy just laughed.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam flopped down on the couch backstage as they got ready for sound check. They had changed the lineup some for the upcoming longer, _actual_ shows to include more of the first album, not just the second and Adam was going over the list. “I don’t want to sing this song,” he said softly.

“What do you mean?” Brooke asked, stretching in front of his couch. “You love that song. It was one of your most popular songs,” she said.

Taylor nodded. “It’s the perfect song to end a set with, that’s why we did it that way,” he said, and Adam sighed.

“Seriously? Can you think of _any_ reason this song might have a fucked up meaning for me this tour?” he asked, sitting up to look at them. He looked around the room and everybody was avoiding his eyes. “Dear God, stop ignoring facts!” he said, getting angry. “Someone come out and say it,” he said, looking around. He looked at Isaac, who just shook his head sadly. “Monte,” he prompted, and Monte sighed.

“Adam it’s just hard,” he said, and Adam glared.

“Okay, I’ll make it easy on you all, since _obviously_ nobody else wants to say it out loud,” he said, looking around. “Tommy,” he saw everybody react. “Is dead.” He shook his head, looking at them. “He is dead. _Dead_!” he cried. “Now stop being pussies about it and stop pretending he wasn’t ever here,” he said, voice cracking. “I know you all want to ignore it, like that’ll make it all go away, but you can’t. Dear God, don’t think I didn’t try. But so far this whole tour I’ve just been getting more and more pissed because it’s like nobody can fucking suck it up and _remember_ him.” He looked around, looking at each one as he stood tall. “Do you think a single fucking one of you has _any_ idea how fucking _hard_ it is to even be here?” he asked, shaking his head. “I do not want to be on tour. I didn’t want to record this album. I didn’t want to fucking keep singing, but I did it. If I can handle this shit, every fucking one of you can,” he spat.

Terrance stepped towards him. “Adam, we’re all just trying to make it easier-“

“Well it’s pretty damn disrespectful,” he spat at him, watching him recoil out of shock. “It’s so damn disrespectful for you all to ignore what we’re all missing here.” He looked at Andy, who looked out of place in the corner. “And stop treating Andy like some interloper. He’s not trying to be the ‘new Tommy’, he’s just a bassist,” he said, pointing at him. Andy nodded and mouthed ‘thank you’ to him.

He looked around and Brooke looked close to tears. Everybody looked particularly shaken. He took a breath. “We all miss him, guys and I know I’m still not handling things well, nearly a year later, but I’ll be damned if I let this whole tour be one giant tiptoe around the subject.” He bit his lip. “You all think this is hard on you, but you can’t fucking imagine how hard it is for me. But I’m doing it, aren’t I?” he asked softly. “I said I don’t want to sing the song, but do you really think I’m gonna refuse?” he asked, shaking his head. “Chances are I’m going to cry my fucking _eyes_ out over half the songs in the show for at least the first few times, it’s a miracle I haven’t cried yet. Every meaning in those songs has changed and let me tell you, it’s not easy,” he said pointedly. “But I’m _doing_ it.” He crossed his arms. “And if I’m facing all of this shit, I’ll be damned if you get to just play it off and pretend that remembering him ‘hurts too bad’,” he said with finality. 

Monte sighed. “You’re right,” he said, and everybody deflated some, tension easing. “I think I speak for us all, Adam, when I say we are sorta just running away from dealing with the fact that we all feel that something’s missing,” he said.

Adam shrugged. “It’s a copout. We don’t get to do that. I get a lot of criticism for ‘not moving on’ but the way I see it, you don’t move on like a big part of this production isn’t missing.”

Isaac shook his head. “A big part of our entire dynamic is missing,” he said softly, looking down at the floor.

Taylor bit his lip, leaning into Brooke’s side with tears in his eyes. “A big part of our _family_ ,” he said weakly, nodding as he looked up at Adam.

Adam held out his hand and Taylor walked over, sliding under his arm to hug him. Adam smiled sadly, hugging him, nodding. “A huge part of our family,” he agreed, pressing a kiss to Taylor’s head when Taylor sniffled wetly. He looked around, still hugging him. “But I swear you guys, it hurts but you can deal without pretending he wasn’t ever here. I can take anything from you guys, but I can’t take you all acting like Tommy wasn’t irreplaceable.” 

Monte nodded. “Okay, we’ve said it,” he said, and Adam laughed softly. “My question is still, why that song?” he asked. “It’s a happy song. You love it,” he said.

Adam sighed. “Really, Monte? ‘If I Had You’ used to have a positive message, and it still does, but to _me_ it just sounds like my thoughts after a nightmare, okay?” he said softly. He shrugged. “If there was anything in the world I could give to have him back, I’d give it. That’s basically what that song means to me now… if I had him, it’s all I’d need,” he said honestly, giving him a sad smile. “It’s not possible though, so it’s not something I want to think about,” he said. “I’ll sing it, but it doesn’t mean the same thing anymore. It just doesn’t,” he said, turning to walk into the bathroom, leaving everybody cringing.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam finished the next to last song (minus the encore) and sighed. “So, you guys all know that earlier this year something pretty sucky happened, right?” he said, and he could see the shocked looks on people’s faces up front when they realized he was going to _mention_ it. “And that last song, I wrote it about what happened,” he said, and they all seemed to have gotten that. “It’s one of the only songs I’ve ever written all my own that didn’t have a lot of fixing from real writers, but you all know that it’s about what happened in January,” he said. He let out a breath. “This next song is one of everybody’s favorites. I loved this song so much before,” he said with a smile. “It was the one song that encompassed my whole message, and I want it to stay true to you guys, I want that message to stay there. The message that all you need is love,” he said, and everybody cheered. He offered a smiled, nodding. “I feel sorta stupid doing this,” he admitted. “I need to sing this song for you guys,” he pointed to them. “All of you deserve this song, but I wanted to give you guys a heads up,” he said, making a face. “The meaning of it has changed for me a lot. I haven’t sang this one since the last tour and there’s a really good chance I might have to stop,” he admitted, feeling more embarrassed than he ever had on a stage, but it was all completely necessary. “But anyways, I want you guys to just… bear with me, okay?” he said, and they all screamed as he turned and nodded to the band. “Alright guys,” he said, closing his eyes as the opening notes started.

He made it through the first verse and into the first chorus before he started tearing up. All through the second verse he was amazed his voice didn’t shatter completely as he let it all out, tears and pain. Every word brought up a quick flash of a memory of Tommy. He had everybody jumping with him as he sang, bouncing to the beat. He knew he had tears streaming down his face, he could _feel_ his makeup being smeared and it felt like stripping off a layer of his armor.

He opened his eyes and the feeling was _intense_. He felt a sense of pride and empowerment and just _energy_ as he saw every single body in the crowd bouncing along, half of them crying along with him, and he realized that people actually _got it_.

When the last note died, he lifted his head and waved to everybody before turning away and promptly bursting into sobs. He brought his hands up to his face and cried harder than he had in months. He looked up and saw everybody on stage coming to him and he let out a wet, snotty, messy, smeared makeup-y smile as they had a massive group hug before taking their bows, all of them laughing and smiling. Adam couldn’t even understand why something so painful felt so much like it was making them all stronger. He could see girls in the front row bawling along with him and he waved to them, blowing them kisses because he had a feeling that, for possibly the first time, people could actually understand his side of the entire incident.

He tore off his glove and threw up his left hand, waving at everybody with his and Tommy’s rings clearly visible, smiling through all the tears.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy loved using his invisibility to fuck with Neil. He was invisibly sneaking up behind him, only to start and become visible when Neil’s phone went off. “Holy shit!” Tommy squeaked, and Neil turned to glare.

“What the fuck mom,” he grumbled, reaching for the phone. It was late. He pressed the button and yawned. “Hello?”

Tommy walked around to sit on the couch, looking concerned. “Is Leila alright?” he asked, and Neil flapped his hand at him to shoo him.

Neil frowned. “No, I haven’t heard anything from anybody,” he said, then reached over to open the laptop he’d been using to try and see if Tommy could learn to type. He quickly logged onto something. “I’m checking now,” he said, then saw Tommy staring. “Hold on, let me put it on speaker and lay down the phone. You won’t be able to hear him, but Tommy wants to be sure you’re okay,” he said, rolling his eye as he laid the phone down.

“I’m fine, Tommy. I’m not _that_ old, you know,” she said, and Tommy rolled his eyes.

“Ask her to tell me why she’s calling then,” he said, and Neil answered for her.

“Dad was stalking twitter, as he does,” he said, and Tommy laughed, nodding. “And apparently the whole internet is lit up about something with Adam, but there’s nobody that seems to know _what_ they’re going on and on about. It’s trending worldwide so most of the tweets are ‘why is Adam Lambert trending?’ which helps NOBODY. Nobody from the tour’s tweeted anything so it’s not that. I’m looking now on something other than twitter to see what’s up because Dad’s worried so he called mom and apparently, mom is about to have an aneurism,” he said.

Leila tutted. “He’s my baby boy, Neil. Big news suddenly always scares me,” she said.

Neil huffed. “Oh yeah, he’s the ‘baby boy’ and yet he’s older,” he grumbled, and Tommy snickered.

“I’m sure he’s alright. Tell Leila Monte knows to call either you, her, or Eber in case of emergencies straight off so you don’t hear about it through the internet,” he said, and Neil relayed the message.

“Ah… fuck,” Neil said suddenly. “I think I found it,” he said, and he cringed. “Two hours ago they closed out the show and Adam apparently gave a little speech about a song and warned he might not be able to finish and then cried the whole way through the song and then burst into tears when it was over and like… basically a thousand people were all bawling their eyeballs out because of whatever it was so that made major internet news,” he said.

Leila sighed. “Poor baby,” she said.

Neil hummed. “I found a video, lemme see what the big deal is,” he said, clicking on the link.

Tommy looked at the screen, smiling when he saw Adam on the stage, full outfit. It was uncanny to see everybody doing what he should’ve been doing and him not be there, but it was great to see Adam singing again. The video started near the end of one of the new songs.

“Let me hear it, hold the phone up,” Leila said, and Neil grabbed it, holding it as he turned up the volume. “Okay, I can hear,” she said.

They watched, and Tommy felt his heart drop as he saw Adam’s uneasy look, even from the shaky camera. When he finished and the opening notes started, Leila let out a loud ‘awwww’. “My poor boy,” she said, and Tommy felt his eyes widen and a rock settle in his throat as he saw Adam start crying on stage. Adam was known to get emotional in his performance, but he wasn’t putting on a show, he was honestly crying.

“Fuck,” he said, then bit his lip, feeling his own eyes tingling with phantom tears.

Neil was wide eyed. “Mom, he’s really crying. Like… publically REALLY crying and I think every person in the audience is too,” he said..

Tommy looked at the close up of Adam’s tear streaked face and reached out, able to be solid enough to touch the screen. “I hate when he cries,” he said in a broken voice, watching with ghostly tears for the rest of the clip. At the end, he spotted twin twinkles on Adam’s hand as he waved and smiled, sniffling. “Adam,” he said weakly.

Neil watched curiously. He sighed into the phone. “Damn, mom, this is sad,” he said and he heard her chuckle.

“Yeah, things really have been lately, huh?”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Adam fell into bed after getting to the hotel, he grabbed his phone to set his alarm, only to see a text. He opened it and smiled at what Neil had to say.

_Saw your performance. Nice job, making little children cry. Tommy couldn’t decide what he wanted me to tell you so I’ll just skip his rambling and tell you that watching a ghost crying and touching the screen and whispering the person on there’s name all voice-fucked is fucking sad, man. Ghosts are dead, they shouldn’t have to hurt anymore, so stop crying and making him upset, dickhead_

Adam laughed, then frowned as he got another text. He opened his mom’s text and snickered.

 _Stop making people cry. Goodnight baby!_  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam smiled as he walked onto the set of the interview, waving. “Hi,” he said, sitting down with a smile.

“So,” The woman started. “We’re here with Adam Lambert,” she said, gesturing to him as she faced the camera. “How are you today?” she asked.

He smiled. “I’m great, how about you?” he asked.

She smiled. “Well, you made big news for officially breaking the internet, how do you think I feel that you’re my interview today?” she joked and Adam beamed.

“Yeah, I heard about that,” he admitted, making a face.

She chuckled. “Well we’ve heard reports about it and I saw a video- were you getting emotional on stage?” she asked and he nodded, cringing.

“Yes, I just- we had had a really emotional thing before the show in the dressing room, kind of a group moment, and then I hadn’t sang my old songs much lately, so it was all just a big mess,” he said, waving a hand.

She hummed. “And what happened?” she asked softly. “What made it so emotional?”

Adam sighed. “Well, we’re closing the show with my old standby last song, If I Had You, and it’s supposed to be a really upbeat, positive song, right?” he said, and she nodded. “Well, honestly, it’s not for me anymore,” he admitted. “I mean, the lyrics just take on a whole new meaning after a big tragedy like we had, and we were talking about it before the show, but I agreed to sing the song anyways. I kind of ended up crying my eyes out like a giant girl over it,” he said.

“And why is that?” she asked. “I mean, it is a happy, upbeat song,” she said.

Adam sighed. “Well, everybody seems to know that in January, the night of my birthday, my late boyfriend was killed in an attack,” he said. He took a breath. “Well, the song’s words just sound so different when you lost the person you love, you know? He was sort of my ‘one’ or whatever, so it’s really hard on me.” He shrugged “It’s hard on all of us. I got everybody else but him back from the last tour to come on this one, and it’s painful to know that part of our family is missing every step of the way.”

She nodded in understanding. “That’s true,” she said. “How has it affected other songs?” she asked.

Adam groaned. “A lot,” he admitted. “Lyrics change meaning when you lose someone, I promise. I mean, even the songs that were already kind of dark are more so now.” He waved a hand. “Like, one of my songs is kind of about someone doing you wrong and everywhere you go you just keep being reminded of what they did,” he said, then cringed. “Now all the lyrics are like the way I feel often- everywhere I go I find more and more memories with the man I loved who was killed, you know?” he said. He shivered uneasily. “It’s hard to move on when every time I turn around on stage, I keep expecting him to be behind me to the left,” he said softly. “I mean, it’s nearly been a year but it’s still pretty much impossible to not expect him there.”

“I can see that problem,” she said, almost sympathetically. “Now, people have noticed you moved your rings,” she said and Adam cringed. “Will you comment?”

He sighed. “I’d rather not, but if I don’t people will just speculate, so it’s better to just say it,” he explained. He looked at his hand. “Mine hasn’t moved. At all. But-“ he bit his lip. “I put his on my pinky beside mine so that-“ He looked up with a sad smile. “So we’re always together.”

Adam was almost positive half the studio audience uttered heartbroken ‘awwwww’s at him, but he just felt oddly foolish and on the spot. He looked out, cringing, only to pause as he saw a woman in the front row who was smiling. She had curled copper hair pulled back, dark eyes, and pale skin. He frowned at a sudden flash of recognition that ripped through him. It took him a moment before a flash of those dark eyes completely black, those full lips coated in blood, and her hair swinging free, dripping at the ends with blood. 

Adam’s eyes widened as he spotted her and knew she wanted him to react. He kept his cool and continued with the interview, keeping an eye on the woman in the audience until it was over. As soon as he was backstage, he rushed around to peek out, hoping to see the woman, only to notice she was gone. He shuddered, rushing to find Lane so they could get out of there.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“It was her,” Adam said as he rushed onto the bus. “It was her. She was in the audience. She was looking right at me.” He sat down shakily, breathing awkwardly. “She just- She was looking at me and- and smiling!”

Lane cringed. “Are you sure, Adam? Like, completely?”

“Yes! She was- she was taunting me!” He shuddered, curling his arms around himself. “She- it was _her_!” he choked out, closing his shaking hands together. “She- she’s the one- she-“

Adam was cut off by most of the band piling onto the bus. “Yo Adam!” Monte called, only to stop as he spotted Adam and Lane. “What’s wrong?”

Adam leapt up. “We need to talk,” he said, dragging Monte towards the back.

When they got back to the lounge, Monte squirmed free. “Adam, what is going on?”

Adam squeaked. “At that show I just taped, she was there!” he gasped out. “The- the woman who killed him. The vampire. She- she was- was in the audience. She was watching and- and taunting and-“

“Whoa,” Monte said softly. “Fuck, are you okay?” he asked, grabbing his hand.

Adam whined, cringing as he shook his head, grabbing the sides of his head. “He- she was- I-“ Adam jumped, having a flashback of watching her, holding Tommy with her fangs in him, his blood pouring down his chest. “Tommy!” he choked out, sobbing suddenly.

Monte leaned over and put a hand on his shoulder. “Adam. Adam just breath, okay-“

“She killed him, Monte!” he sobbed, makeup smearing as he wiped at his face absently. “She was right there! I couldn’t… I’ve been looking for her to kill her and she got there right when I _couldn’t_ hurt her!” 

Monte just cringed. “It’s okay, Adam.”

Adam just sat, shaking as he cried. “No it’s not, no it’s not!”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy sat, focusing all his power on turning the page of the magazine in front of him. He had mastered using a pen or pencil with his mind (as long as the pen didn’t need to be clicked), and he was learning to move some things, but turning pages was still a problem. It had been a problem for him when he was alive, thanks to guitar calluses having less grip, but with his brain, they were so small it was hard to manipulate them with his ghosts touch.

“This sucks a lot,” he said to Neil when he heard him come back in. Neil didn’t respond so Tommy looked up. “What?” he asked as soon as he spotted the shocked look on Neil’s face. “Neil?”

“Adam,” he said softly, then cleared his throat.

“What?” Tommy’s head snapped up. “Adam? Is he okay? What’s wrong?” he asked in a rush.

Neil nodded. “He’s fine, he just… at a taping… the woman. The vampire who…” he trailed off looking at Tommy.

Tommy paused. “Who killed me,” he finished softly.

Neil nodded. “She was there. In the audience. He- he thinks she was- was trying to taunt him,” he said.

Tommy shuddered. “Was… did she get away?”

Neil nodded. “He was talking about your rings and looked up and she was smirking at him and he looked again once he got off stage and she was gone.”

Tommy sighed, shaking his head. “He hunted for her for ages and then she shows her face when he can’t get her.”

Neil nodded again. “Monte says he freaked out. Bad. A lot.”

“How bad?” Tommy asked.

Neil cringed. “There was crying and rapids of running makeup… a little bit of nearly breaking him when he tried to hug Adam for comfort.”

“Ew,” Tommy said softly. “Fuck, I hope he’s alright. He must have been frustrated and more than a little freaked to see the vampire who killed us.”

“He was having flashbacks,” Neil confirmed.

Tommy just shuddered. “Fuck. I’ll be so glad when he’s home.”

Neil snorted. “Yeah, so he goes out hunting again. I know you want your revenge, but I hate that my brother has to fucking kill vampires for you-“

Tommy shot him a dirty look. “I want him home so I can be sure he’s alright,” he snapped. “When he’s gone I can’t even talk to him cause I’m a stupid ghost. If he’s here I can take care of him.”

Neil’s annoyed face turned into a gentle smile. He shook his head with a sigh before he chuckled. “I always find it odd you’re a ghost and yet you’re still so set on making people happy,” he said.

Tommy scoffed. “Fuck that, I have so much fun scaring the fuck out of people and that does NOT make them happy. Just the other day, I was practicing zapping other places and I went to Sutan’s place and scared the fuck out of him. He was sooo pissed,” he said, cackling. He smiled. “But this is _Adam_ , Neil. Of course I want to make sure he’s happy. He’s the only thing that really and truly matters.”

Neil eyed him. “What if- and I hope it never happens- but what if in his whole ‘let’s kill vampires!’ rage, he gets killed?” he asked.

Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll find a way to get out of here. I’m sure it’s possible. If it’s possible to stay here I’m sure leaving is possible too.” He shrugged. “But Adam won’t get hurt so I won’t have to.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Bitch! I know you’re here, you little shit!” Sutan cried as he stalked through Adam’s house. “Tommy Ratliff get your skinny dead ass out here!”

Tommy popped up at his side, earning a start. “Yes?” he asked, smirking.

“You popped up when I was blowing my date!” he shouted in annoyance. “You are a total dick, you ghostly bitch,” he huffed.

Tommy grinned. “He was ugly, at least I’m hot enough to turn you on,” he said, winking.

Sutan glared. “You are a dead little booger who ruins sex!” he complained, crossing his arms.

Tommy just smirked. “Whatever bitch, you _wish_ you could get with this,” he said, wiggling his hips, earning a reluctant smile.

“I hate how easy it is for you to make me laugh,” he complained. Tommy started dancing around and Sutan burst out laughing, sitting down heavily on the couch as he clutched his ribs. “Tommy, shut up, oh my God,” he choked out, smiling when Tommy sat down beside him. “Hey,” he looked around. “Where’s Neil?”

“He went out. I was recharging,” Tommy explained. He frowned when he heard something upstairs. “Well I thought he went out,” he said, then closed his eyes to pop upstairs, hoping to scare the shit out of Neil.

However, when he got to the guest room, nobody was there. He walked out into the hall, only to frown when he realized the noise was coming from Adam’s room. He started towards Adam’s room, only to gasp when the door flew open and two men came sneaking out. He could tell immediately who they were. It was two of the men who had helped kill him. One had dark hair and black eyes, and the other pale and weedy. Neither man seemed to see him as they snuck past until one stopped and sniffed the air. “Wait, there’s a human here!”

The other one smirked. “Dinner,” he said with a grin.

Tommy gasped. “Sutan!” he cried, only to disappear just as the vampires turned to where his voice had been. He appeared downstairs, shocking Sutan, who yelped and jumped. “Sutan, get out! Run!” he cried.

Sutan just stared. “What?” he asked.

Tommy groaned. “Get up and run! There are vampires upstairs! Go get in your car and get out!” he urged, trying his best to be solid enough to grab Sutan.

“Tommy, what are you-“

“Well, well, well,” a voice echoed from the staircase and Sutan leapt to his feet, spinning around. His eyes widened as he saw the two stalking towards him.

“Ah man, he’s skinny,” the dark one whined. “The skinny ones don’t taste as good-“

Sutan cast a desperate look at Tommy. “Tommy,” he whispered. “Please,” he whimpered.

Tommy just stood there. “I can’t… I can’t do anything! I can’t touch you or them-“

The tall, willowy one started towards Sutan, who screamed. “Shut up, bitch-“

“TOMMY PLEASE!” Sutan begged, dodging around furniture, trying to keep stuff between him and the vampires. “Tommy, you have to help me!” he shouted desperately.

“I can’t!” he cried.

“The fuck is that voice?!” the small one snapped, stopping their advance on Sutan. “Who are you talking to?” he asked Sutan, who just shrunk back, whimpering fearfully.

Tommy quickly ran to the other side of the room. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” he shouted, startling them. He rushed around and changed his pitch. “GEEEEEEEEETTTT OOUUUUUTTTTTTTTT!”

“What the hell is that?!” the small one cried.

“Who cares, get the bitch!” the big one barked.

“NO!” Sutan screamed, rushing backwards. “Tommy help me!”

Tommy gasped as they closed in on Sutan. “No!” he cried, rushing over. He tried to pick things up to throw but couldn’t grasp anything. He saw the big one pin Sutan against the wall, despite his kicking and screaming. He rushed over to a lamp and drew all his strength. He grasped it and heaved it at them, only for it to fall short. It startled them, giving Sutan time to wiggle free and fall to the ground. He started scrambling away, only to be grabbed. “Sutan!” he cried, rushing over.

“Tommy, help!” he sobbed, slapping at the one who had his legs, only to cry out as the guy pinned him down.

The skinny one stopped the big one from biting Sutan. “Wait,” he said, smirking. “He’s pretty, why go straight for the kill?” he said and the large one smirked as well.

“No, I can’t-“ Tommy cast around for something to do to stop them. “GET OFF HIM!” he shouted, staring in horror as the large vampire dragged Sutan around onto his back and pinned him down. 

“Please, please stop,” Sutan sobbed, begging as he fought to get free.

“Gonna scream for me, sweetheart?” the skinny one asked, straddling Sutan. He slid a finger along Sutan’s face, earning a whimper and jerk. “Shhh, why don’t you scream for me and we’ll see about stopping,” he said, then held out his hand. Tommy watched as his nails elongated before he slashed at Sutan’s chest, earning a loud scream.

“No!” Tommy cried, gasping as he watched the pale, thin man lean down, licking the blood seeping to the surface of the cuts. 

“So sweet,” he said, pulling back. “Steve,” he said, looking at the large one. “Hold his wrists,” he said, sliding down to rip off Sutan’s shirt, making him whimper and jerk.

“Please,” he sobbed, shaking. “Don’t hurt me.” Sutan cried out. “Please, Tommy! Try harder, please- NO!” he cried as the man clawed down his stomach, slowly slicing a thin line down his skin. Blood trickled to the surface and the man leaned down, licking it off. Tommy watched it as the blood pooled in his navel which he sucked out, despite Sutan’s sobbing and shaking.

Tommy struggled to grab things, going around the room looking for something. Sutan’s cries and whimpers increased in volume as more and more gashes were made across his skin. However, when he began to scream again, Tommy looked up and saw the two vampires trying to get him naked. Sutan was pitching back and forth, kicking and screaming, struggling to get out of their hold as they ripped at his jeans. “TOMMY!” he screamed, sobbing violently. “Please! Please help-“ He went silent as he gasped hard, only to scream again as the large vampire bit down into his shoulder, teeth sinking in deep.

Tommy panicked and ran to the phone Sutan had dropped. He knelt down and willed it open with all his mind’s power. He got it slid open and felt a spur of hope as he carefully focused on the buttons, trying his hardest to press them mentally. He tried solidity and managed to get one button pressed, but found it was easier to just will them pressed. He found Neil’s number in the contacts and typed a short message, praying it would work.

_Call help vampires Adam’s house fast_

He just managed to hit send when he looked up and saw them both biting all over Sutan’s torso. “GET OFF HIM!” he cried, then felt his anger building as he saw the ripped legs of Sutan’s jeans and the scrapes with blood seeping out all along his thighs. He felt himself shaking with rage, only to let out what he felt was a scream. As he released his anger, the house shook, lights flashes, electricity surged, and the vampires stopped long enough to look around. Tommy kept it up, using every ounce of power he had, only to drop out completely when he finally heard police sirens. He tried to stand as he watched the vampires scrambling around, looking for a way out as voices came closer, but the last thing he saw before he flickered out was Sutan curling over on his side, curling his arms around himself.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam was just putting down his bag backstage when his phone rang. He saw Neil calling and answered. “Hey dickhead,” he said with a smile.

“Adam,” he started and Adam frowned at the tone in his voice.

“Is something wrong?” he asked curiously, laying down his other bag. “Is mom alright?” he asked in a rush.

“It’s… it’s Sutan,” Neil said.

“Sutan?!” Adam said quickly, stopping many of the people in the room. “What about him? And why are you telling me if it’s something about him-“

“He was over here, at your place. He was visiting with Tommy-“

“Neil, what happened?” he asked suddenly, feeling his heart racing.

“There… Tommy heard a noise upstairs and popped up. I wasn’t here, I was out-“

“NEIL! Tell me what happened to Sutan!” he snapped and Taylor walked up to his elbow, looking worried.

“… There were vampires in the house. And- Tommy still isn’t solid enough to do much and he says he tried to tell Sutan to run but- but he didn’t get what Tommy was saying and- well… when they- when they atta- when they got to Sutan Tommy couldn’t stop them and-“

Adam felt his heart sink into his stomach. “Oh no,” he said, and Taylor gasped.

“Oh no what?” he asked. “Is Sutan okay?” he asked quickly, eyes widening.

“He’s alive, Adam. But he’s hurt pretty bad,” Neil said and Adam’s hand came up to his mouth. “They… they just… they cut him all over. He bled so much. Tommy says he just stood there watching and screaming at them to stop and they- they just ripped his clothes off and started slashing at him and- and biting him-“ Neil took a shaky breath. “Tommy managed to text me, he texted from Sutan’s phone something about vampires and calling for help so I called the police and when I got there, the ambulance with Sutan in it was already leaving and I spoke with the police. I told them I got a text from Sutan’s phone that he was there and he needed help, so they decided two men attacked him and scratched and bit him all over during an attempted sexual assault. Obviously I didn’t tell them it was vampires-“

“He managed to text you?” Adam said quickly. “He could text but didn’t help?” he asked.

“Oh he helped but only when- well the police’s guess isn’t far off, according to Tommy… they were clearly going for more than just slice and sip and Tommy says that finally all his anger made it possible and he like… he says the house was shaking and the power was surging and lights were fucking up and it scared the shit out of the vampires enough for them to get off of Sutan and bolt.”

“Fuck,” Adam said, shuddering as he swayed, sitting down heavily beside the makeup counter. “Is he gonna be okay?”

“Tommy? Yeah, he like… lost ALL his power and blacked out or something but he recharged after a while-“

“No, you idiot! The one who was almost raped!” he snapped and several people froze, staring at him in shock.

Neil paused. “Well they said he’ll be fine. He needed blood and- well he’s gonna be in a lot of pain so he’s doped up a lot. I saw him earlier and he’s awake but…” he trailed off. “It’s mostly mental I think. I mean… you know firsthand what it does to someone to be held down and attacked by vampires.”

Adam just shuddered. “Fuck,” he whispered, putting his face in his free hand as he felt his eyes welling up. “So was it just scratches and bites or like… a knife?”

“Tommy says their fingernails grew out-“

“Yeah, it can happen,” Adam informed him. “So they just… with their hands?” he asked, careful of his audience.

“Yeah. They cut long marks and Tommy says they were licking the blood that came up. Then once they ripped his pants and got at more skin, Tommy says they seemed impatient and started biting him. One bit his shoulder really bad but the other was like… biting his legs and hips and shit.” Neil shuddered. “He looks… well lets just say I think his mini skirt and bikini days are over,” he said softly.

Adam gasped. “Oh no, not that bad!” he said, then groaned. “God, poor thing. Son of a bitch,” he hissed, digging his hand into his own hair. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. I can’t- I mean, he’s so proud of his body-“

“I know. Tommy is so upset he couldn’t help. He said he tried throwing things at them but there wasn’t any force to stop them.”

Adam sighed. “Shit. Well… I’ll call him later. I guess I’ve got to get ready now.”

“Alright, I just got home. They let me go see him once he was stable but I had to leave when visiting hours ended.” Neil let out a sound. “I wish I’d been home. The guys is a great friend, I could’ve done something-“

“No you couldn’t,” Adam said softly. “You’d have been just another target.”

“Well… either way, I feel horrible.”

Adam just closed his eyes. “I’ll talk to you later,” he said as he hung up. He dropped his phone to the floor and put his face in his hands, knees on his elbows. “Fuck.”

“Adam… what happened?” Taylor asked. “Sutan… he’s okay, right?” he asked, looking worried. Adam smiled at his concern. Taylor had always adored Sutan since they met. Sutan practically adopted him whenever he was around. “Adam?” he pushed.

Adam sighed. “Sutan was- he was at my house, he was gonna get something and Neil was supposed to be there. Well, the door was open so he just went in. Some guys had broken in and-“

“You said something I really hope I misheard,” Brooke said as she walked over.

Adam cringed. “They- they think they were going to-“ He shuddered. “The police ruled it attempted sexual assault.” Everybody looked horrified. “They- he’s hurt pretty bad. They- um-“ he sniffled. “They tore off his clothes and scratched and cut and bit him and- he lost a lot of blood and he got away long enough to text Neil for help. I don’t know why he didn’t call the police, but either way, they got there and scared them off when they drove up.” He shuddered. “Neil says he’s going to be alright but probably not- not completely.”

“You said something about his body,” Taylor said and Adam shook his head.

“Really guys, it’s not something we should discuss-“

“He’s our friend,” Terrance said and Adam ducked his head.

“He’s… they cut him bad. All over. Neil’s description was that his bikini days are probably over for good,” he said bitterly. He shot Monte a pointed look. “Come here for a minute,” he said getting up to rush out of the room.

“It was vampires, wasn’t it?” Monte asked and Adam nodded as soon as the door was shut. “Fuck!” he cursed. “Vampires got Sutan!”

Adam nodded. “They did. He barely escaped with his life.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy had been practicing zapping himself around, so it wasn’t too much of a chore to zap to the hospital. However, he had to wait until after hours were over so that less people would interrupt him.

When he managed to do it, it took a moment to gather his sense before he looked up. He saw Sutan and shuddered. Sutan was lying in the hospital bed covered in bandages with an IV in his arm. He walked over to the side and Sutan started as he saw him. “Tommy! Wow, this is a long way,” he said and Tommy cringed when he saw the pained look as Sutan tried to move.

Tommy rushed over and sat on the bedside. “I’m so sorry,” he said quickly and Sutan sighed.

“You tried to help me-“

“I should’ve tried harder!” he choked out, throat tightening around his words. “I- I couldn’t-“ he shuddered. “It just hurt. I tried so hard to help and I had to stand and watch them- they hurt you!” he got out raggedly.

Sutan closed his eyes. “I’m okay though.” He looked up. “I’m… I’ll live at least.”

Tommy sighed. “You could’ve been killed. Or worse, turned into a vampire.” He shuddered. “I just… I had to sit there and watch them hurting my friend and I couldn’t do shit. I just… fuck, I wanted to hurt them. I wanted to stop them-“

Sutan cut him off with a soft chuckle. “I know I’m the one that nearly died, but the way you tell it, I got the easier side of it. At least I am justified in feeling helpless.” He looked at him. “You tried, okay?” Tommy just sighed and ducked his head. Sutan looked down, cringing. “You know how I feel anyways, don’t you?” he said softly.

Tommy looked up and frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You were in the same situation. Helpless against vampires,” he said weakly. He looked up. “But I-“ he cringed. “I was saved,” he said.

Tommy shrugged. “Nobody could’ve saved me though,” he said. “I mean… there was nobody else to help me.”

Sutan looked up. “Adam was there.”

Tommy shuddered. “He couldn’t have saved me. It wasn’t possible. He tried, God, he tried so hard to get them to stop,” he said softly. “He tried fighting, he tried bargaining, he tried fucking begging and pleading but I knew it wouldn’t help.”

Sutan eyed him. “Do you blame him?”

Tommy’s eyes darted up. “No way! God no, he tried as best he could-“

Sutan smiled sadly. “And so did you, Tommy,” he said. Tommy looked at him as he realized the point of Sutan’s mentioning it. “You don’t blame him and I don’t blame you,” he said. He smiled weakly. “You did actually manage to save me in the end.”

Tommy shuddered. “To think Adam went through that- that helplessness,” he said softly.

Sutan cringed. “On top of being actually personally terrified as well. I mean, I’m not saying you weren’t probably scared, but the fact of it is, they couldn’t have hurt you. They didn’t even seem to be able to see you. Adam knew he was going to die too.”

Tommy nodded. “I’ve thought about that night so many times.” He looked down. “I hate to say this, but I’m sort of glad I was the first because I cannot at all imagine having been in his shoes.”

“What do you mean?” Sutan asked gently.

“I cannot imagine anything in the world worse than watching him die,” Tommy said shakily. “I’m glad I didn’t have to see him die. Or be turned, whatever,” he said weakly. “I wish he hadn’t had to watch me die more than anything.”

Sutan smiled sadly. “I think he wished he was dead more than anything after you died.” He shook his head. “He loves you even now.”

Tommy smiled. “I will love him eternally. He’s the one thing in the entire world I care about. I loved him so much when I was alive that I would’ve died for him, and I tried to save him when I did die. I tried to get him to keep going without me, so in a way I did die for him,” he said with a small laugh.

Sutan just sighed. “I really, really hate vampires,” he said in a huff. “They fucking _suck_.”

Tommy just laughed, nodding. “That’s generally what they do,” he said, and Sutan cracked up with him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When tour finally finished, Adam was so happy to get home. He had enjoyed tour, sure, but he wanted to check in with Sutan, who had recovered well enough in the time since his attack. When the plane landed, he wanted to go see Tommy, but he knew he needed to go visit Sutan first. 

He got to Sutan’s place and felt really scared when he heard the door being opened in front of him. He was scared of what his anger would make him do when he saw Sutan’s face. He couldn’t imagine how Sutan would deal with seeing another vampire either.

When the door opened, Adam felt his heart stop. Sutan had fresh scars up all over his face, shoulders, and chest. “Adam!” he cried, gingerly tugging him into a hug.

“Oh Sutan,” he said, hugging him. “Fuck, how are you?” he asked, pulling back slightly.

Sutan shrugged. “I’m good,” he said, then sighed. “When did you get back? I thought you’d be reluctant to leave Tommy’s side for _days_ once you got back.”

Adam shrugged. “I haven’t been home yet,” he admitted and Sutan gaped.

“Adam!” he groaned and turned him around, shoving him out of the door. “Go to Tommy now,” he said, then rolled his eyes. “I swear, you boys are so stupid,” he said.

Adam eyed him. “You’re a boy too, you know,” he said and Sutan glared.

“I know better than to act like one!” he said, then swatted Adam’s ass as he turned him away. “Tommy’s missed you more than you can imagine. Go see him, damn it,” he instructed.

Adam laughed. “Alright, alright, I’ll be back to see you later,” he said and Sutan shoved him.

“Go!”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Neil raised an eyebrow at Tommy, who was skipping around, practically vibrating in place. “Has he texted yet?” he demanded, flopping down beside Neil. “Has he? Is he here yet?”

Neil laughed. “I’m not sure. He’ll be here soon I guess,” he said, then looked at him. “Why’re you so hyper?” he asked. “Can dead things be hyper?”

Tommy snorted. “Adam’s coming home! I haven’t seen him in _months_!” he bounced happily. “It’s been so long-“

He froze and Neil raised an eyebrow when he heard the front door open. They waited as they heard something dropped. “Neil? Tommy?”

Tommy gasped, then rushed out to meet Adam. He squealed when he saw him. “Adam!” he cried, running down the hall to him. “Adam, it’s you!” he said, beaming as he stopped next to him.

Adam was smiling brightly. “Tommy,” he sighed in relief. “Fuck, you have no clue how bad I want to hug you,” he said and Tommy bit his lip, nodding.

“Me too,” he said, then sighed. “I can do this though-“ He held out his hand and closed his eyes. He took a few moments before opening his eyes, nodding. “Touch it,” he said.

Adam beamed, reaching up to take Tommy’s hand. He sighed, feeling relieved when his fingers didn’t pass through Tommy’s hand. His fingers were cool and smooth, but Adam could _feel_ them. “Tommy,” he breathed softly, biting his lip as he was overcome with emotions.

Tommy smiled, curling their fingers together. “Adam, it’s okay-“

“I missed you,” Adam choked out, voice hoarse. “Oh my God, it’s not right without you. Being away for so long is just horrible,” he whimpered, letting out a sob. “Fuck, Tommy,” he breathed weakly. His knees gave out and he slid to the floor, crying into his hands.

Tommy knelt down, using his solid hand to reach out and stroke through Adam’s hair. “Shhh, I’m right here, Babyboy.”

“Tommy I missed you so bad,” Adam sobbed, looking up through his tears. “It was scary and I was so alone and it’s not right without you,” he fumbled out, choking on his own words. “I need you,” he sobbed, tears streaming down his face as he looked at Tommy. “Tommy, I _need_ you and you weren’t there and- and I couldn’t hear your voice,” he breathed weakly. “I didn’t see your face or hear your voice for so long.”

Tommy sniffled weakly, breathing shakily as ghostly silver tears escaped his eyes, disappearing as they slid down his face. “I know,” he said simply, touching every part of Adam’s face he could with his solid hand. He smiled weakly. “I know, baby, but you’re here now and I’m here and it’s all okay,” he said and Adam just nodded, tears streaking his cheeks.

“I love you,” he breathed and Tommy closed his eyes, nodding.

“Love you too. With all my heart.”

Adam smiled wetly. “You’re a ghost, ghosts don’t have those.”

Tommy shrugged. “Well your doesn’t beat,” he countered with a smartass grin that made Adam laugh and hold Tommy’s hand to his face.

Neil just stood in the doorway watching in wonder, both amazed and tragically saddened at how weak and strong his brother could be at the same time.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The first few days Adam was home, he and Tommy spent every waking minute together. Tommy didn’t want to leave Adam’s side even long enough for him to shower, so he just sat on the floor and talked to him while he did so.

They spent hours upon hours just talking. After nine months apart, Tommy had a lot to show Adam as far as new things he’d worked out how to do. “And I can turn on the TV!” he said excitedly. He hopped up from the couch and dove on the floor beside the coffee table, staring hard at the remote. He held his hand over it, twitching his fingers with a concentrated look on his face. Adam watched in amazement as the buttons on the remote under his hand pressed down, seemingly on their own, and the television came on.

“That’s amazing!” Adam said, then smiled when Tommy stood up and bopped back over, flopping down beside him. He watched Tommy blow his hair out of his face and chuckled. “I miss your hair,” he said softly. He tried to reach out to stroke it but his fingers simply went through the syrupy thick texture Tommy held most often as he got stronger. “I can’t play with it.”

Tommy sighed. “I miss everything about you holding me, most of the time,” he admitted with a pout. “You used to hold me and cuddle me and play with my hair and kiss my forehead… I miss just about everything that we used to do.”

Adam smiled sadly. “It’s been nineteen months since the last time I held you,” he whispered, reaching out to take Tommy’s hand. Tommy focused and Adam smiled when, rather than mush, his hand felt like a hand, just a cold one. “You think I’ll ever be able to hold you again?” he asked softly as he stroked his thumb across Tommy’s ghostly knuckles.

Tommy shrugged. “Maybe if I keep trying harder I’ll get strong enough,” he said, then smiled at Adam with a bright smile. “I’d love a hug. So much. I never thought there would be a day I would be desperate just to hug you.”

Adam just smiled sweetly, leaning down to press his lips to Tommy’s palm. “Maybe I’ll be able to kiss you again someday,” he said with a smile.

Tommy grinned. “Maybe,” he said, then sat up. “Alright, let’s watch a movie!” he said, waving his other hand at remote again, giggling delightedly when the television changed channels. “AHA!” he cried and Adam beamed.

“Sure thing, baby,” he said, settling back but never letting go of Tommy’s hand.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy sat on the floor, watching Adam get dressed. “Adam, I know you want them dead but I’m worried about you,” he said, watching as Adam slid his knives into special little straps he’d sewn into his jacket. “If you die, I’m fucked, you know that, right?” he asked.

“Tommy, I’m already dead,” Adam said and Tommy sighed.

“I mean dead-dead, Adam!” He walked over, looking up at him. “I don’t know how to like… undo whatever I did to stay here. I don’t know what I’d do if you die and I’m stuck here.”

Adam sighed. “Tommy, I’m not that easy to kill anymore,” he said. “Promise.”

Tommy hummed. “Alright, but if you get killed, I fully expect you to not go to wherever dead vampires go,” he demanded, huffing. “You better be a fucking ghost with me,” he said with a dramatic pout.

Adam smiled at how cute he looked. “I’d kiss you if I could right now, baby,” he said, then blew him a kiss. “Alright, bye Tommy,” he said as he started downstairs.

Tommy sighed worriedly. “Bye, Adam. Be safe!” he called.

“I will!”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam walked the streets almost every night, making his way up and down every back ally and every dark road the city had to offer. He ran into a few vampires every once in a while, but apparently, vampires weren’t very common. Most nights when he ran into vampires, he let them go. Most of them were going about their own business, not causing trouble and he didn’t want to risk his safety for any reason that wasn’t completely necessary.

Tommy didn’t like it. He had been behind Adam’s revenge to start with, but after too many nights of Adam coming home with minor injuries from fights with other vampires, he didn’t want to see it anymore. He wanted Adam to stop scaring him. He knew that nothing would stop Adam other than finally killing the woman who took everything from them, but as he grew stronger, he started to realize the gravity of the fact that, at least they were still together. If Adam got killed, Tommy would lose him for good but, even though the life was no life at all (as they were both dead) they had each other and that’s what mattered.

Every night, he tried to stop Adam from going out. Sometimes, he was lucky enough to have some new trick to show Adam.

“Adam, look!” he cried excitedly as he reached out and picked up the mug on the end table. He tossed it in the air and caught it again. “Both my hands!” he said brightly. “I can pick stuff up and toss stuff and move things!” he said brightly.

Adam beamed. “That’s great baby!” he said, then caught Tommy’s left hand, pressing a kiss to it. “Just think. Keep this up and I’ll be able to hug you again,” he said hopefully.

Tommy nodded, beaming. “Exactly. Some day you can hold me!” he said happily. “Soon I hope. I want to hug you so bad,” he said earnestly.

Adam smiled happily. “I know, baby. I know,” he said, pecking his hand again. “Alright, I’ve got to get dressed,” he said and Tommy flinched.

“Don’t you- how about you stay in tonight? We can- we can move everything around now that I can hold things… Adam?” he tried, getting up to follow him. “Adam, we can do something fun if you stay-“

Adam rolled his eyes as he turned around at the top of the stairs. “Tommy, come on, I’ll be back in a few hours. It’ll be fine.”

Tommy just sat on the bed worriedly as he watched Adam getting dressed. “Adam…” he sighed, ducking his head. “Please be careful?” he begged and Adam smiled sweetly.

“Baby, I’ll be fine,” he reassured, then leaned over to take his hand, squeezing it. “Promise.”

Tommy sighed helplessly, nodding. “I love you, Adam,” he said softly.

Adam sighed, smiling at him with a gentle look in his eyes. “I love you too, TommyJoe. More than ever,” he said, then walked out. “Be back later, baby.”

Tommy just closed his eyes and put his face in his hands, really hoping Adam was safe.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam walked the streets he usually walked, not really expecting anything other than a normal night of trolling. He’d killed a few vampires so far, but never the one he wanted. It was never _her_. No matter what, it was never the one he wanted.

As he walked past the mouth of an alley, he heard the sounds of rustling amongst the garbage down the way. He stopped to listen, heart thudding as he heard laughter. He quickly slipped into the shadows, disappearing down the alley discreetly. He carefully made his way silently and slowly down towards the voices he heard.

“She was good. She was really sweet-“

“I liked her husband best. He was tangy.”

Adam glowered, shuddering as he caught a whiff of blood. He felt anger at the knowledge that someone had just died at the hands of these vampires. He only hoped there weren’t too many for him to take down. He slid down the brick wall against his back, crouching in wait as they came his way slowly. He was poised, ready to attack as soon as they came into view.

What he didn’t count on, however, was flowing copper hair being the first thing he spotted. He felt rage rising in his veins upon realizing it was _her_. He waited with bated breath, practically twitching with the pure, unadulterated _hatred_ burning through his veins. He closed his eyes and gave in to the vampire side, drawing on his reflexes and speed. He felt his fangs growing out and cringed. He hated them but he’d deal with it if it meant using his vampire speed and reactions. He carefully unsheathed his knives, holding them in his hands as he waited.

The moment the group came around the corner, he pounced. There were startled yells, but he had a one-up on them all. He quickly slicing and stabbing one before cutting the head off the bigger guy, spinning around to the redhead. She spotted him and her eyes widened. “YOU!”

“You’re not getting away this time,” he hissed, then dove at her, pinning her down, knees on her arms as he sat on her middle. He watched with sick satisfaction as he stabbed her. She screamed and all he could see was Tommy screaming as she bit him. He slid into a blind rage, only seeing Tommy and hearing him crying out for help as he stabbed her repeatedly, ignoring the blood that was splattering him. He stabbed her over and over and over until finally, she quit moving. He stood up and looked around, watching as the last two ran away. He didn’t bother chasing them. His work was done.

He pulled the book of matches he had in his pocket out and lit one, dropping it onto the woman. He watched her burst into flames and quickly crumble to a fine dust before his eyes. He turned towards the other two dead vampires and gave them the same treatment. He stripped off his jacket, which was covered in blood and dropped it on the ground. He wiped off his face with the inner lining and cleaned off his hands before dropping it in a trashcan and lighting it up as well. He was just getting ready to go home when a sound behind him startled him.

Just as he began to turn, two shots rang out through the cool LA night. He gasped, eyes going wide as he spotted one of the vampires who had just ran away. He was holding the gun with a smoking barrel. Adam looked down, hands going to his chest weakly. He pulled his hand away and saw blood. He could feel the burning deep in his chest and his eyes flicked up fearfully. “S-silver?!” he gasped.

The vampire snarled. “See if you fuck with my family again,” he hissed then disappeared into the night as the sound of sirens sounded in the distance.

Adam stumbled, gasping and choking as the ground came up to meet him. He took rattled breaths, rolling onto his back, in too much pain to even cry out in pain. He closed his eyes, whimpering. “T-Tommy,” he whimpered, looking up at the sky as tears of pain slipped down towards his hairline with gravity’s help. Adam could feel he was dying. He knew it. He could picture Tommy’s face. He could see Tommy’s smile. It was almost comforting that the last things he were imagining were Tommy.

“ADAM!” He looked up, smiling weakly when he saw a terrified Tommy standing over him. He knew it was all in his head but he didn’t care. “Adam, oh God,” Tommy dropped down beside him and Adam could almost swear he was feeling Tommy’s hand on his face. “Stay with me, baby.”

“Tommy,” he whispered weakly. He liked being able to say goodbye to the Tommy in his head at least. It was better than nothing at all. “L-love you-“

“I love you too, please,” Tommy begged, clutching at Adam’s hands.

“I’m- I’m so-“

“Don’t try to talk-“

Adam gasped slightly. “So sorry, TommyJoe,” he whispered. As everything started to go dark around him, he squeezed the fingers in his as best he could as the sound of sirens grew louder than ever. “L-love y-“

Adam’s words were cut short.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Epilogue:

Neil took another sip of his coffee as he watched the fake tanned, bleached blond lady on the television. He looked down at the paper, only to look up again as she changed to another screen.

“In other news, the popular singer Adam Lambert, known best as the runner-up on Season eight of American Idol, was found dead two nights ago. Sources say his body was found in an alley, the victim of an apparent shooting. This tragedy comes three weeks shy of the two-week anniversary of the tragic stabbing death of Lambert’s bassist and partner, Tommy Ratliff. The police refused to comment on any leads, only saying that the case was an ongoing investigation and that the family refused autopsy and, against police protocol, requested and was given permission to lay their son to rest the day after the shooting. This bizarre series events has left most of the entertainment world puzzled and, more importantly, in mourning.”

Neil hummed. “And you’re allowed to say all that shit on the television?” he questioned pointedly.

“Mom, how the hell are we supposed to even get there?” Neil looked up and watched Adam as he walked in on the phone with his mom, clearly fresh from dying his hair. “I’m _dead_ to the rest of the world, how the fuck am I going to fly?” he asked, confused. “And what about Tommy’s stuff? Tommy’s only as strong as his belongings allow him to be. That’s a solid _day_ of being away from it unless he travels in a crate with all his things,” he said, then paused, adopting an amused expression. 

Neil shook his head, looking over at Tommy, who was about as solid as he’d ever seen him. “You look pretty solid to me,” he said pointedly.

Tommy shrugged. “I’m really not sure how this is gonna work,” he admitted. “I mean… people are going to notice him. No matter how hard he tries, I’m not sure this is going to do the trick,” he said softly.

Neil smiled supportively. “There’s so many people in New York, dude. Anybody can disappear there, you know? You guys lay low for a while, Adam’s going blonde definitely changes things,” he pointed out and Tommy giggled at Adam’s hair. “And wearing normal guy clothes and shit and staying away from places he’s most likely to be recognized and in a year or two there can be people looking him in the eye and have no idea who he is,” he pointed out. “I mean, who would think a dead celebrity would actually be in hiding in a small apartment in Greenpoint?” he asked pointedly.

Tommy sighed. “True.” 

“Alright, so, we’re packing you in a box like George of the Jungle,” Adam said, hopping over the couch to sit beside Tommy.

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Great, blonde,” he teased and Adam rolled his eyes.

“I think I make a cute blonde,” he said, ruffling his hair. “At least mine is more natural looking than your forever-bleached hair,” he said and Tommy grinned.

“We need to get you some contacts. Your eyes are too distinctive,” he said, looking at Adam’s face.

Adam smiled. “I’m getting some. Some brown ones. And my new name is Mitchel Rosenberg,” he supplied with a smile.

Tommy snickered. “Mitchel Rosenberg,” he said, then nodded. “Good name. But forgive me if I continue to call you Adam.”

Adam smiled sweetly. “I guess if you’re dead you can call me anything you want.”

Tommy’s smile faltered slightly before he hitched it back onto his lips without a second thought.

The night Adam ‘died’, Tommy had been at home worried. Out of nowhere, something had filled his head with dread and he just _knew_ he had to find Adam. He had closed his eyes and focused on Adam, only to open his eyes in a dark alley. He spotted Adam lying on the ground and rushed over, filled with horror as he saw Adam lying still, struggling to breathe.

He’d sat there holding Adam’s hand until he fell unconscious. However, before he could do anything or call anybody, a police car pulled up at the mouth of the alley. They couldn’t see him, but the two officers who ran out spotted Adam. Tommy watched as they checked his pulse and then called it in. To them, he seemed long dead. Tommy knew that he had no pulse normally, as a vampire, and that he was unnaturally cool all the time.

Before Tommy could contact someone who knew about Adam’s vampirism, there was an ambulance and someone announcing they needed to call the coroner. Tommy, who couldn’t be sure he wasn’t _actually_ dead, just disappeared back to the house to call Neil before zapping back to Adam’s body.

This time, however, he found Adam awake and confused in an otherwise empty morgue. He had explained to him and Adam had, after a small panic session, decided the best thing to do was go to his mother and make the police think it was a religious thing and not to do an autopsy since he had clearly been shot, as there were bullet entrance and exit wounds on his chest and back. After the morgue released the body, Adam had made a run for it once he was left alone.

It was already all over the news and there was nothing they could do but for him to go into hiding.

Adam calling his name brought Tommy out of his thoughts. “Ready for this, Glitterbaby?” he asked.

Tommy smiled, nodding as he reached out and took Adam’s hands in his. “Of course, Babyboy.”

“Alright,” Adam stood up and sighed. “I better pack the last of my things,” he said with a dramatic whine as he stomped off to go upstairs.

Neil snickered. “Were you planning on showing him?” he asked and Tommy bit his lip, grinning.

“Yeah… I better do it now in case I’m not strong enough later,” he said, then closed his eyes, zapping upstairs. He stood in the doorway, watching as Adam started boxing up the last of his things. He smiled softly at the thought that, no matter what, he and Adam were going to be okay as long as they had each other. 

Tommy sucked up the courage and walked into the room carefully. Adam glanced up and raised an eyebrow. “You need something?” he asked before picking up a scarf off the floor of his closet.

Tommy smiled up at him lovingly. “Adam,” he said softly and Adam hummed to show he was listening, going about his business without looking. “Adam, look at me,” he said and Adam glanced up.

“Tommy?”

Tommy gazed into Adam’s eyes and fought back a telling smile. “Touch me,” he said and Adam frowned.

“What?” He asked and Tommy just stood patiently. Adam shrugged and walked over, putting a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Alright, what?” he asked. Tommy grinned only to see a look of realization as Adam looked at the hand on Tommy’s shoulder in wonder. “T-Tommy?”

Tommy closed his eyes and stepped up, pressing himself against Adam’s front, sliding his arms around his middle. He felt Adam’s breath hitch and let out a small sound. “Hold me,” he whispered helplessly.

“Oh!” Adam gasped, then complied, gently wrapping his arms around Tommy’s body. Tommy felt him relax and hold him closer. “H-how?” he asked breathlessly.

“The night you got shot I- I guess the desperation gave me the strength I needed and- and it stuck,” he whispered.

Adam pulled back, looking down into Tommy’s eyes. “Tommy,” he choked out, tears filling his blue eyes. “Oh God, Tommy!” he sobbed suddenly, pulling him close, pressing his face against Tommy’s hair, laughing and crying at the same time as he felt Tommy’s _hair_. “Baby, I love you so much,” he cried, only to whine when he felt Tommy losing form in his arms.

Tommy pulled away reluctantly and sighed. “It’s really hard still,” he said apologetically, wiping at his own cheeks suddenly.

Adam just shook his head, still crying. “I held you,” he sobbed happily. “I held you,” he cried, then slid to his knees. He reached out and took Tommy’s hands in his, as they were still solid enough to hold. “Tommy, I held you!” he cried, laughing through his tears.

Tommy nodded, smiling as he gave up fighting his own tears. He reached out a hand and stroked it through Adam’s hair, then cupped his face, biting his lip as Adam pressed into his hand desperately. “I know.”


End file.
